learn to be independent

you know, no matter how much sincerity a guy may pledge his love for you and willing to do almost anything, well, i'm beginning to realize they're all not too true. yeah, it's true for just that moment. after times roll on, sincerity would wear off and it's still the real world. c'mon, stop dreaming.

my mum used to complain to me during times where she really couldn't stand my dad. and she never failed to say things like not to depend on men as ALL men are not dependable, and it's only safe and smart for women to stand on their own 2 feet. at that point in time, i would just brush it off as it's coming from a bitter woman. come to think about it, it's quite true.

sometimes, it's hard not to lean too much coz' you'll never really know how much is too much. so you'll end up finding quite hard to find your balance especially when your men suddenly pulled out of your steps. even when they tried to catch you back again, well, damaged still done. you'll began thinking (like me) and get angry for being so useless when our parents brought us up the best way possible so we can stand on our own 2 feet when we face the real world. and yet, when we get too clingy, we're the one getting manipulated. how sad, isn't it? or are women supposedly to be under the scrutiny of men for history? hmmm...

how much do you know him? habits, some bits and pieces of his personality and character, and maybe abit more on his temper: it could only bring you this far. no one can be so sure....

i believe i've been reminded about these facts quite a few times before but y'know, when times are too good, we hardly wanted to be reminded of bad past. oh well, i guess it's pretty much human nature to enjoy the good times. plus, i'm quite forgetful.

yes, lesson learnt. even though it's through the hard way with runny noses and red eyes, it's still worth it at the end of the day.

pardon me, have a Merry X'mas guys!

finally, i'll be tying the knot

it's like 1am in the morning and i'm supposed to be catching my sleep. i'm really tired but ever since i've broke the news about YM proposed to me, everyone seemed to be more excited than me. hhahahahaha....

on Dec 12 2007, it marks our 3yr anniversary together. like always, we would try to make it to have dinner together and celebrate the times we've shared for the past year. somehow for that nght, he had alot of things under his sleeves. and silly me, totally unaware what's happening. so, his plan worked beautifully, without a flaw.

he came to pick me up in Bedok after my work. he arrived in a maroon Nissan Sunny and he told me that his friend bought a TV set and needed to use his van. hmmm.

actually, this was such a big loophole and yet i just brushed it off. WHERE GOT PEOPLE BUY TV SET AND CHOOSE TO DELIVER HIMSELF ONE!?!?! naturally, they would likely to choose to pay for the delivery and set up one ma! i'm like damn kok la, i tell u.

totally trusting, he drove me to Parkway for dinner. i chose to eat at Crystal Jade, and dinner was really good. but the fish was quite disappointing.

anyway, after dins was nearly 9pm. i decided to walk in Watsons and see if i could get anything. somehow i browsed and browsed till it's past 9.30pm and the shops were closing. he was getting abit pushy by chasing me to hurry up coz he needed the toilet. okay, he did go to toilet but i dunno how urgent he really is. come to think about it, most likely he took the opportunity to go to the washroom to call his accomplices that he would be heading down to destination.

so i gong gong followed him to the car, thought that should be the end of the night. i was already beginning to feel fatigue coz' i didn't sleep enough for the past few days. so he casually told me that he's bringing me to some place, which he later blurted that we're heading to East Coast Park - he found a place that he wanted me to see. and at that moment, i was thinking East Coast Park got some place i never been before de meh?!!! but i didn't see anything was wrong. coz' for the past few occasions, he brought me to the beach and we jux strolled. and i sincerely thought that was what we're going to do. haix, i'm really hopeless lar...

he confidently drove and parked his car, just a few lots away from his van and i didn't even notice. then he pointed to the tower, saying he's bringing me there. and i can still asked, "wah, you never go there before meh?" still thinking he's so suah ku...

after that, he held my hand and lead me to the opposite direction of the location of the tower. then slowly, i was approached to a familiar vehicle. suddenly i knew something he was up to, trying to cook up some surprises. he pulled me to the back of his van and i already saw colorful balloons plasted at the window inside. and then, he asked "are you ready?" i still 搞不清状况, then i stunned when he opened the backdoor of his van.

somehow, i immediately broke down to tears.... and i cried uncontrollably.

i guess he didn't expect my reaction. so he hugged and asked me, "will you marry me?" after that, it was a whirlwind of emotions where he tried to calm me down. then he made me sat down at the edge of the van, he asked me, "err, u want me to go down on my knees?" but before i could answer, he obliged almost immediately and proposed one more time. however this time, he showed me the ring and held it out between his fingers, waiting for me to say something. i guess i was choking with overwhelming emotions that i could only nod, many times. then he finally got up.

he looked around his surroundings and held out his phone, telling me to compose myself coz' the others were coming. i was like, "huh??" then slowly, one by one his accomplices revealed themselves.

the guy in green jacket was the owner for the Nissan Sunny car. YM swopped with him where he drove the van to East Coast, and the others help to decorate the van. good friends huh?

after that, one couple emerged out from their van which was 100% unaware of YM's plan. they happened to come by East Coast and saw YM's van lurking in the carpark. and hence decided to wait and see. apparently, they didn't wait in vain and in fact watched the complete episode. i call them, the Kaypohs.

she just keep teasing and teasing me la. fyi, that guy is one of YM's buddies in Commando. somehow, both myself and this girl hit off real well. so we often go TM GV for late night movies.

oh well, that's pretty much the story you guys dying to know.

below is the scrapbook album he made for me. apparently he made it with the help of some of his good friends, and it even got him to stay up till 7am in the morning trying to get it completed.

of course, not forgetting the most important item to make this proposal sustaining its sacred meaning:

The Ring: SooKee Jewellery 0.3 Carat Brilliant Rose Diamond

last but not the least, a dozen of roses....

and to round up, us!

i know it's going to be mushy, but i have to say my thanks:

thank you for everything you've done for me, and i'm looking forward every minute that i'll be spending my life with you.... i love you.

okay, i'm done and it's 2.30am. *groan*

Suddenly, my mind went blank. Initially I had a lot of things going through my mind but when I’m ready to sit down and blog, blank. Or perhaps I just didn’t know how to begin….

I just celebrated YM’s bday last week. So apparently the arrangements were pretty last minute and I was there liaising here and there. At least, everything went as per planned. Instead of just both of us, I dragged his friends in. I figured that he’s more of a person who would be happier to spend his bday with his friends rather than his gf alone. Of coz, I’m not implying that just spending the day with me is not what he wants, but he would be happier if there’re other ppl around too. You know, all that hype and attention he can have for that day….

Just glad that he enjoyed himself….

~

I don’t know how long I can still tahan my mum. She’s not making things easy for me, and likewise, I didn’t see why I need to make things easier for her. And it’s all because of my dog.

Ker ker said it’s like she has something that belonged to me and hence it creates this “excuse” to see me which that thought really irks me. For some reason, I’m not thrilled to see her again. Similarly, if I’m staying with my mum, I will have this same reaction towards my dad. Anyway, I would rather stay with my dad coz at least he’ll leave me alone while my mum can never do that.

I’m guilty for saying real nasty things to my mum out of spite but I seriously had it up to my boiling point when she always wants to get things her way. At least in many things I’ve been accommodating and chose to close an eye so to make my life happier. Apparently, things had gotten abit too much for me to bear la….

Like I said, I never wanted to share Fuji. Not coz’ I’m selfish or what but I’m sparing a thought for my old boy. And also, he’s definitely not a toy to be dished around liddat.

To make situations worse, every time they would happily bring Fuji back to their place, none of them would make the effort to return him to me. My concept is simple: you borrow something, you return it and not me taking it from u. of coz there would be times of exception when everyone’s busy and all, fine, I’ll go take the dog. Otherwise, seriously, it’s just manners. They have their lives, I have mine. I don’t see why constantly I need to be the one to accommodate to their plans and not mine. It’s a give and take situation; I can’t always be giving and them taking.

Every time I think about this, every time I talked to someone about this, I felt heat in my eyes and my sight gets blurry with anger. I just cant see when all these will stop….

I’m not asking anything from anybody. All I want is to just treasure what I have now and let go what I don’t have. I have been bitter and miserable, and I so want to step out of all these and see that sunshine again.