Blessed

I'm all smiles, thinking about this entry. I'm officially attached. *Grins* And I'm attached to an old schoolmate, whom we've lost contact for 10 years. We had a brush of fling back then, and it was quickly ended as soon as we started because I was seeing someone else at the same time. One fine day, he decided to try his luck on an old contact, least to realize I was still contactable. That's how it all started....

It wasn't easy, when I decided to give up waiting on my last r'ship. After almost 2 years, I decided to stop nursing a broken heart, I decided I wanted to move on, and I'm tired of being someone's backup plan. He has made his decision to move on (even though it's getting apparent he's not letting up on me after 1 year being attached to someone else), and hanging on would be meaningless to me. I'm surprised how I am saying this now, considering I felt so strongly back then that I should wait. I'm glad the strength came and I was pushed forward. It's somewhat still a pity, I feel. But I'm not looking back already. :)

Fate is smiling on us now. How we've all grown up! Yet, we didn't lose that chemistry we had 10 years ago. It was fun, and our 1st date after 10 years was awesome. Perhaps, the booze we had helped us loosen up and we were enjoying ourselves so much. That was one sweet date, totally memorable. And by the 3rd date, we decided to give us another try. Progressing fast? Well, I do feel a little, however, the feeling's right.

Yet, for a long while, I was thinking how I'm going to find a new relationship since I don't meet new people. And tadah! He came along, when I least expected it. It truly caught me by surprise. It's still settling in to me on the fact how we went one big round and still end up together. Difference is, we're now serious about each other. Or at least, we're both on the same page....

Everyday now, I give my thanks. I have been feeling amazing, warm and fuzzy, deep within. I'm coming to a full circle, or at least I hope so. :)

I'm still happily getting used to the whole dating process all over. It seems like a norm for him to be meeting dinner everyday. It's unusual for me though, considering I have been relatively "independent" in all my past relationships. And with a personal transport, I guess it facilitates the entire dating process too. I'm basically in cloud nine everyday for the past week! And I'm treasuring each and every moment of this wonderful feeling.

I'm feeling really blessed. Thank you Lord.

Boredom Kills Me Softly...

This is bad. I was so drowsy till I actually dozed off at my desk. Not good. Luckily no one spotted me, I guess. No, I’m not on medication or anything, just simply bored. That’s usually what happened when I have really nothing to do or don’t know what else to do. And I actually have the cheek to googled “bored at work what to do”. LOL! Well, I tripped upon an article in Forbes about the productivity of employees due to boredom. It was a good read; still, I dozed off when I finished it. But the moment I shut my eyes for a minute, I visualized the word “Boredom” and I was inspired to blog abit about this.

One part of the article spells truth:

“…..employees also become demotivated and uninspired when they don’t have much control over their jobs or input on important decisions, are not getting enough feedback or positive recognition to feel competent in their work, and don’t feel like they are developing or making progress towards something that’s important.”

Source: Bored In The Office: Is It The New Productivity Killer? 
http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2012/05/31/bored-in-the-office-is-it-the-new-productivity-killer/

That, totally reflected my current situation.

When I first joined this company, I was raring to go! In fact, they managed to jump start my engine, jamming on the accelerator and I was enjoying the adrenaline. Imagine, barely 3 days upon joining this company, I had to sit in with the management meeting and we’re launching a new treatment in less than 2 months’ time. So it was a mad rush, and I was already clocking the overtime. It was nonetheless a form of motivation for me. Right after, another smaller scale project that I spearheaded all by myself because my boss was not around for good 3 weeks, and I sure took it on. From the planning till execution, without interference. All my bosses were to say yes or no to certain design and stuff, but not the idea. How cool was that! It was sure a good morale booster! However, I guessed happy times like those couldn’t last.

Soon after the mid-year, everything just nose dived. My boss seemed to have “changed” his working techniques, or would say, resumed to his “old ways” of working. I had a hard time accepting it. His “new/old” working style became, “you don’t have to know what I’m doing until I tell you”. What’s worse? He threw me a project, instructed me to work on the proposal. I did as told. I was thinking, “wow! Finally REAL work again!” Alas, it was my wishful thinking, I supposed. Each time I’ve sent him my work, he threw them out. So I humbly redo and redo and redo. My thoughts were, “till you’re happy”. Finally it came to my 6^th proposal, he said it was good! “Yes! Like finally!!” I joyfully thought. Yet, nothing was carried out. By the way, that was more than 3 months ago.

Next, he decided that I should be tasked to take on a Huge project which in my view, it’s really Huge one. I almost drooled at the opportunity. He wanted me to weave a holistic strategy. Same practice, he criticized my sloppy work when I’m done, so I had to redo. Surprisingly, I never really give up even having those sh*t thrown at me. And my final proposal which I spent considerable amount of time on it, from sourcing for pictures to beautify my deck to reviewing past works, and really exhausted all juice I had onto the project, tweaked and tweaked and tweaked, till I felt satisfied or simply nothing more I could think of, I sent it to him believing it would portray the genuine efforts thrown in. Yet, 2 weeks past, no news. I reminded him again, he requested for me to resend to him. Another 3 weeks past, no news. That was about 2 months ago.

What I’m doing at the meantime? Just carrying out my menial daily tasks mainly sales support, while waiting for an answer, or waiting for some form of directions.

How all motivating can my job be right now? My boss totally disengaged himself with me (and the rest of the team too) to work on his don’t-know-what-he-is-brewing-back-there, and going to work seemingly a struggle. Pretty much wasting my time, I feel. Or in fact, I feel “under-utilized”. I don’t even feel “useful” anymore!

Many times, I have an impulse to just leave. Yet, my spirit encouraged me to “wait and see, wait and see”. Furthermore, it’s finally we get to see the outcome of don’t-know-what-he-is-brewing-back-there presentation on next Tuesday, hence I believe from there onwards, it would (or should) keep me busy again. Or that’s what I hope. At least, it’s just one more week. I’ve waited for more than 4 months just hanging around, so what’s one more week, right?

I’m not kind of employee who enjoys not having things to do and take the same paycheck. I do appreciate short lull periods for breather from all the hustle and bustle, but not prolonged breaks. I’m someone who seeks satisfaction in the work I do, or in fact, anything I put my mind in doing. After all, how motivating can a stagnant paycheck be?? No excuse to fight for better pay, no opportunities to grow and stretch myself and hence getting obsolete in the market. That is not motivating. In fact, worrying.