before i begin my sappy entries, i would like to congratulate my dearest Ker Ker, who finally ended his years of dream and 9 months of anticipation to start a family! yes, it's a Boy! even though he was hoping to have a girl 1st, but hey, it's harder to get a boy than a girl. so his "soldiers" did it! hahaha... glad to know mother and child are fine, and i guess it's a whole new chapter for him.

i wanted to visit him but i don't think his wife would like to see me. the last thing i want to do now is to aggravate his wife, who should be recuperating than getting jealous seeing me.

i guess there will be lesser chance to meet up with ker ker than it already has. its abit sad to know that, but i still feel happy that things are going well for him.

hear from you soon, ker ker...

----------

i'm keeping options open. nothing would be serious, just play the field when i still can. i know not all would agree... but i guess i'll do what makes me happy. rather than breaking into sobs when i get reminded of those memories... silly isn't it? it's only a picture, and it can get me into tears. felt so pathetic.

just to let you guys know, i've been going on some dates. maybe these will help me open my eyes more, and see what's out there for me. perhaps, this will help me to realize what i want. then again, nothing much to do after work nor over the weekends, so if there's something to do to kill time, why not. what's there for me to lose?


however, my heart is still closed.

still hurts...

met up with Jo and friends last Friday. was expecting them to ask me something, however to my pleasant surprised, none was raised up. the only closest thing they came asking me was, "how are you?". glad to answer that politically correctly.

right now, things are moving on slowly for me. when i see anything pertaining to wedding, my heart aches and my mind wandered. so close to being married.... considering how thrilled i was back then. now, its just an aching memory.. sometimes i wonder, the gown still lying in YM's wardrobe, will i get to wear that again? or its another piece of cloth waiting to be sold away?

i wonder: who will be the person i'll spend the rest of my life with? suddenly, i'm not so sure anymore... my heart do still hold that answer but i'm don't know if that would ultimately prevail.

now, i'm still too blinded by my wreath.

一切让它结束吧

你的“不信任”已经说明了一切。再勉强也没意思，何必苦苦强求？

你的一举一动伤透了我的心，以代表你对我的不尊重。

说分手的是你，说对不起的也是你；你把我当什么了？你说的话，哪一句可以当真？我不想再去想它了。

你也不需要弥补什么，也没后悔过我们的“擦肩而过”， 只是有些遗憾，可惜。我们的缘分也只是那么薄。



心还是会痛，可是相信时间能掩盖伤痕。哭多一下下，就会停了。时间不会为我而停留，我会继续走下去。感谢你为我付出的一切，我不配。对你的感情，有缘再和你续情。

一切也只是一段有喜有忧的回忆， 永藏在心里。



那句 “我爱你”已经失去了意义。

神木与瞳 - 草戒指

★ 卜超 制作

再见说在额头 原来泪也会痛

倒流心中怎麼麻醉也没用

深呼吸一分鐘 爱突然的词穷

你狠狠甩开我沉默的手彷彿就剧终

草戒指在手中 像句点的沉默

woo..明天 以后 爱变成了问候

爱不爱都痛 我以為我懂

最后你要自由

woo..忘了温柔要套在手中

到最后 该不该回头

如果我开口 爱继续往前走

woo..幸福听著分开的藉口

再见说在额头 原来泪也会痛

倒流心中怎麼麻醉也没用

深呼吸一分鐘 爱突然的词穷

你狠狠甩开我沉默的手彷彿就剧终

草戒指在手中 像句点的沉默

woo..明天 以后 爱变成了问候

爱不爱都痛 我以為我懂

最后你要自由

woo..忘了温柔要套在手中

到最后 该不该回头

如果我开口 爱继续往前走

woo..幸福听著分开的藉口

爱不爱都痛 我以為我懂

最后你要自由

woo..忘了温柔要套在手中

到最后 该不该回头

如果我开口 爱继续往前走

woo..幸福听著分开的藉口

草戒指套在谁手中

it seems, he's not the guy...

i don't know what was our status. i treated as i'm someone without any commitments of such. i went on with my life as a singlehood, even though my heart didnt seem so. i pinned on to the day of reunion, and glad how things are slowly turning out as what i expected it to be. i thought it was brilliant.

i never told anyone how and what i plan. i had a goal in mind, and i work my way towards it. i'm like a lone ranger, doing things quietly. i don't like explaining what i intend to do, nor explain anything happened after that. apparently, not all people like it. he was one of them.

i guess, its times like this which make me realize that it's pointless to drag this on. he made the decision, and it's finally off. that slap was deserving, to both of us. it made me realize that despite how much effort i put in to avoid having to walk my parent's footsteps, i still did. the only consolation was, luckily i'm still not married.

it's creepy. considering i've almost married to someone who didnt respect his partner's privacy, exactly like my father. "lack of trust", you prolly called it. however, was that supposed to be a valid reason to void all respect? perhaps, it did. we've went through this for the 3rd time, and many more times to come? i guess it'll never drill in the fact where privacy, to me, it's strongly sacred.

my heart aches, my eyes' sore. but am i supposed to count my blessings?

i suddenly felt lost, i don't know where i shall be heading. everything's a blur right now, future is just so bleak. nobody i'm pinning to anymore. no reunions to look forward to, no happy-endings.

i guess i brought it all upon myself. too much in control... i controlled the beginnings, the process and the endings. however, then ending was much least expected. all i wanted to do was to protect the ones i love. then again, no one will see it my way.

so it'll be a unfinished chapter of my life, and it'll end that way. this will be safely kept someplace in my heart, never to be opened again.

my heart has just shut its doors.

goodbye, my love...

some updates

nothing much on my end though... perhaps i was away during the CNY, and hence i don't feel much about this festive season. thought it was a good choice to be away... after all.

most of you know, i went to Bintan myself and it was a refreshing getaway. however, i'm not sure if it's because of the weather, i came back and didn't feel very well. i got some flu and cough. hmmm... oh well, my room was not too bad. even though i didn't get the seaview which i've requested, at least i'm located near the pool. a sneak pic at my room...

too bad i can't open the window, otherwise the breeze was like super shiok lor! darn... anyway, i enjoyed having to spend time with myself. :)

before i left for Bintan, of coz', the usual spring cleaning. changed my new bedsheets and my day is brighten up by the new sheets! check it out:

so bright and cheery right! hahahaha.... at least that makes my day whenever i'm home from work. so welcoming... :D

i also went to have early reunion dinner with my mum and bros. also, went to see how Fuji's doing. gawd, i missed that fella so much! and managed to take such a cute pic of him...

he can so melt my heart lar....

well, i did meet up with YM and had dinner with him and mei mei. things are still alright and i feel better now... taking baby steps and i somehow feel its beginning to work...

i'm still happy... and that's deep down. so no worries about me alright? in fact, i like things are right now... no rush, no pressure, and just being me.

next up, i did go over to YM's place for CNY. i guess that's the only visiting i did for this year. since i was away, i didn't arrange to go follow up visiting with my relatives. had fun with his friends and all... well, that's the whole idea right? having fun!

after that gathering which ends off at Settlers that day, i went down to Powerhouse, after given my word to my company's FM that i'll pop by. hoping that someone could accompany me but i went alone. it was weird but i thought i would just hang around for a while before i leave for the day. surprisingly, i quite enjoy myself. and also, i get to his new-found gf.

she's quite wild, baring her midriffs and g-string. dancing suggestively with me and all. thought she was abit over-friendly with me, but i get the hang of it. in summary, she can be pretty fun to hang out with. i'm not sure if she's drunk or what, coz' she made him promised her that she would see me again when they come out. i had to hide my puzzlement.

that pretty sums up the updates of me recently. nowadays i'm really lazy to be online... so i guess you wont see much of me around... nevertheless, i'm always a phone call away. need dates, just gimme a ring. would love to hear from any one of you.

take care at the meantime... :D