Looking ahead for another new year...

it's really quick, isn't it? it still seem surreal to know that one year has swing past so quickly. and every last day of the year, i can't help looking back and recapping what has happened or what i've achieved. well, it's not as if i lay down yearly resolutions and made sure i adhere to it. no, just pondering why things happened and how it did happened, and what came out of every single situation.

alot of things happened: the ups and the real downs.

i was about to get married and then *poof!*. im still where i am, status quo. however, friends around me are still getting married. sometimes, a bittersweet taste lingers in mouth. i just hope they've found happiness and are really sure about it.

i had my last exam paper this year and im glad im graduating. if my last supp paper goes smoothly, see me in my grad gown in February!!

i managed to find myself a decent paying job that offers me a grad starting pay. i'm glad i'm with UPS, even though i'm not entirely enjoying what i'm doing. at least, i can see where i'm heading to. :)

a new year for me means new beginnings. nop, i don't have the habit to fix myself any resolutions and i won't begin doing do. the next hurdle for me would be still the CNY, and i believe you guys should know why. at least after the 1st month, i can finally put myself at ease and slowly work things out. i'm still looking forward to reconciliation, but its only a matter of time. as for now, work more, earn more money. otherwise, tsk tsk, i'm almost barely feeding myself.

i'll remember: to love myself more, earn more money, get myself a good tan, more holiday plans with all of my beloved chicks (includes you, Joan), get a new phone, pack my room (when i feel like it), give unconditional loves to all of my sisters and brother(s) who're only a phone-call away, and of coz', continue to improve myself to be a better person.

here, i would also like to thank those who stood at my side during my darkest days. if it wasn't for all of you, i wouldn't have managed to pull through all odds. life is made easier coz' you people are always standing nearby.

Happy New Year, everyone. I Love You...

bored

life is getting boring for me... nothing to do, getting sleepy but yet reluctant to catch some sleep. i'll still have many Fridays for me to waste, but still....

my ankle is recovering, and i'm now on ankle guard rather than bandage. have been dutifully visiting the sinseh every 3 days coz' i'm desperate enough to wear my heels again. however, it's really dreadful to be going through the "therapy". everytime they touched the sore spot, i would cringe at excruciating pain. it's to the extend i would break out in cold sweat and i was near to tears. by far, i've always sucked in my tears and bear the pain. the worse i have gotten was letting out whines to relieve the stress i felt. as much as i want my ankle to heal, i seriously hated going through the process. well, at least now i can walk properly, rotate my ankle, but still, i cant cross my leg...

x'mas is coming soon, and i loved this season. however, it would be different for me this year. whether i'm still loving it as much as i used to, well, i dunno. for once, perhaps, i'm not really looking forward to x'mas, CNY and Valentine's...

time..

reading the name of my blog, i realize it's such a cliche and yet so true. i don't remember how i derived this back then...

life have been busy... drowning myself at work is prolly the best thing for me right now. considering that i've clocked 12 hours of OT this week, staying past 9pm for 3 consecutive days. i felt the fatigue.

weekends are saved for friends, going out whenever i can, get as occupied as i could to make weekends bearable. things has begin to change for the better. and that fateful day has past too... i could've been married by now. however, i'm glad i'm still sitting in my comfort zone in my room, nothing has changed. maybe some other things have... no, i haven't regretted the decision. perhaps, it's still the best thing i did and i'm glad i did that. it may not be entirely sensible, but i'm sure i'm still sane.

the next hurdle would be CNY... suddenly, i'm not looking forward to that day after how everything has turned out. i wished i could just pack my bags and leave the country for that few days. or maybe i can book a ticket for myself for a short getaway to avoid anything coming my way.... especially those nosey-parkers. anyone out there willing to sacrifice your red packets for me? *hopeful*

time is essence to me right now... coz' time heals things slowly, and put everything back the way it is. even though it may be a long and slow process, that's what i need now...

moving on now...

i dont know how much i can reveal here... those who know, should have known what happened. i'm picking up the pieces and it'll not be easy. i was prepared for the aftermath, but it somehow gotten worse than i was prepared for. maybe i've underestimated this whole thing, so i'm paying my feelings for this.

i'll be taking a break for a while. one month, 2 months... undefined.

i feel so drained... tired from what i put myself through.

time ticks by...

as the timer shows, my days are numbered. i guess there wouldn't be an opportunity for me to back out of anything even if i want... everything has seemed to fall into place, and yar, i think i would have to put myself through this...

after strolling alone in that huge piece of grassland, my feet led me downslopes, heading towards a tunnel. i can see light, but i can't see anything there yet. every step i took became a bear, and with much caution. the smell of air was damp and stale. something is calling and watching me from behind. i stood there in my tracks, didn't know what to do. yet, i told myself i should walk forward. anxiety overwhelms me and i almost couldn't breathe. i saw myself already made half my way through the longwinding tunnel, i lean against the damp wall, beginning to crouch. i hugged my knees and felt like crying, feeling so lost and trapped in my thoughts. perhaps that's what i'll get when the mind and heart lost their synchronization.

i screamed and no one hears me. my voices echoed in the midst of the tunnel. no one was there at the point i stopped walking... no motivation. no point of crying, its simply redundant. i felt silly.

the walk to the end of the tunnel is inevitable, and i know i will make myself walk through this, even though the feeling's not going to be how i should supposed to feel. and that's what my mind is telling me: do things i have to do and do it right.

suddenly, i'm not so sure of myself anymore...