when my mum asked me, "how come your job search gets further and further??", i didn't really know what to say other than convincing her that i needed the experience. from tomorrow onwards, i'll be taking the company bus and heading to the new office location: Penjuru Rd. it was possibly my greatest nightmare came true.
you might think that at least there's a company bus to ease the agony. but seriously, nothing beats the convenience after work. who wouldn't want to be located in the central of Singapore? travelling is tiring, and it kills any motivation of having after-work activities. it would possibly takes more than 45 mins to get to town, taking into consideration the jam on AYE and all that crap.
and today, everyone had to go to the new office to test the network, ensuring that Mon would be a smooth working day. ppl i shared this with told me the same thing, "can't you do that on Mon!?!" yes i also know that, however, this company believed that Mon is a working day and hence nothing should be disrupted. oh boy. so since i'm there, might as well unpacked.
there are other contributing factors that made me not so keen to go to work, even though i truly enjoy my work. now to add on to the list: location. the rants can go on, really. and i won't let the ranting go on for too long, coz' i will do something abt it, real soon.
pray for me.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
I've woken up.
I feel stupid. I feel that I’ve been holding on for nothing. After the conversation on MSN last night, I finally came to terms to just move on. I cried again, and it still hurts a lot. Looked like he had already made up his mind all these while. So yes, it was only me still hoping we could get back together.
It’s time to bury the love I had for him all along. It brought tears to my eyes thinking about that.
Every time he popped into my mind, I prayed for him to come back. He finally did, only to come tell me that it’s no longer possible because “I have made that decision back then and he wouldn’t want to hold me back.” Yes, he wanted me to eat my words, and I took the humble pie. No matter how, he wouldn’t want to try to change the situation because he felt that things wouldn’t change. I guess I had caused him much resentment that he concluded I’m someone who’s completely unreasonable, and hence there were little chances of me changing for the better. So ultimately, he felt that I had to change to adapt him… if I couldn’t, then there is no point being together.
Yes, it seemed very much my fault. Perhaps, he felt he hasn’t done anything wrong. Maybe he didn’t, but it took two to clap. He would possibly never admit that he contributed to the breakup. Whatever it is, it’s really over.
I loved him so much more than I thought I did. Even though we seemed to be perpetually arguing, I came to accept that it was our way of communication. That’s partly because we enjoyed good conversations even though we irked each other with different opinions. And despite us having distinct differences in personalities, I was willing to go all out for him. Now, it’s a thing in the past.
It’s so painful; it’s so hard to cope. Even though I know time will heal wounds, the days were so harsh on me. I will learn to cope, and start afresh, by myself. I just hope he wouldn’t come back looking for me in the near future, as I wanted very much to end all feelings that might still be lingering….
I'll be praying. But this time round, I'll be praying for me to get over him.
It’s time to bury the love I had for him all along. It brought tears to my eyes thinking about that.
Every time he popped into my mind, I prayed for him to come back. He finally did, only to come tell me that it’s no longer possible because “I have made that decision back then and he wouldn’t want to hold me back.” Yes, he wanted me to eat my words, and I took the humble pie. No matter how, he wouldn’t want to try to change the situation because he felt that things wouldn’t change. I guess I had caused him much resentment that he concluded I’m someone who’s completely unreasonable, and hence there were little chances of me changing for the better. So ultimately, he felt that I had to change to adapt him… if I couldn’t, then there is no point being together.
Yes, it seemed very much my fault. Perhaps, he felt he hasn’t done anything wrong. Maybe he didn’t, but it took two to clap. He would possibly never admit that he contributed to the breakup. Whatever it is, it’s really over.
I loved him so much more than I thought I did. Even though we seemed to be perpetually arguing, I came to accept that it was our way of communication. That’s partly because we enjoyed good conversations even though we irked each other with different opinions. And despite us having distinct differences in personalities, I was willing to go all out for him. Now, it’s a thing in the past.
It’s so painful; it’s so hard to cope. Even though I know time will heal wounds, the days were so harsh on me. I will learn to cope, and start afresh, by myself. I just hope he wouldn’t come back looking for me in the near future, as I wanted very much to end all feelings that might still be lingering….
I'll be praying. But this time round, I'll be praying for me to get over him.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
好想你。。
yes, i truly missed him.
it has been one month, almost. it did felt longer than that. things happened when i was at my lowest, i hoped he was there. and when i was thinking of someone to chat with on the line, i thought of him, and i missed having someone to talk to on my way home. i missed having to know someone's waiting for my call, or waiting up for me to tell him i'm home safely. most imptly, i truly missed the companionship. after all, it's always heartening to know someone's there for me.
it has been one month, almost. it did felt longer than that. things happened when i was at my lowest, i hoped he was there. and when i was thinking of someone to chat with on the line, i thought of him, and i missed having someone to talk to on my way home. i missed having to know someone's waiting for my call, or waiting up for me to tell him i'm home safely. most imptly, i truly missed the companionship. after all, it's always heartening to know someone's there for me.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
i smell a little trouble
soon it'll be 6 months to my new job, and that's spell the end of my probation. today, my boss spoke to me. other than work, she spoke to me about my probation. after sharing with me that her sales mgr feedback to her that i didn't really communicate with him, and the sales team didn't feel my "presence felt", i thought i felt stabbed in the back.
yes i agree, i don't seem to be interacting alot purely because I SIMPLY CAN'T FIT IN!! OMG!! it is like bad la! i mean, i don't go around cussing and swearing at every single sentence i speak, nor do i constantly crack yellow jokes! gawd! how can i stoop to that kind of level!? that's like so low class!! and i'm simply not that unrefined! how can i change myself to be that unrefined to that kind of extend just to "bond with the sales team"??!
there's this lady who happened to be one of my predecessor, currently working for another team. she is CRUDE! and i don't like that. as a woman, u don't simply just talk about balls and pussies or nipples just to mingle with guys. yeah, the men there prolly liked it, but puh-lease! that's so degrading! such a pretty lady in her mid-thirties who's married with a 4 year old kid, carrying herself this way?? oh c'mon! she's a funny lady, but i thought trying to be like her is WAY overboard for me. i'm cheeky, but in a civilised way. i don't go around and say things like "tickling her nipples" or "confirm make her shiok down there" or "give him that black hole" etc... gawd! so uncouth! i shudder even typing abt it. i'm not trying to act high-class here. it's only about respecting people and behaving yourself. UPS trained me well. after all, i worked in other local companies before, i have never come across such crude culture like this!
anyway, the sales team have been working together for at least, 6 years and above? i'm only there for 6 months! and they're all Men. how does she expect me to just "blend in"? it definitely takes more than 6 months.. hello!?!?
i guess considering that i come from a "different culture", i am currently deemed to be the outcasted one.
when my PM said the boss is very "pro-Sales team", i took it with a pinch of salt. after all, he ranted and whined alot and put ppl down behind their backs so how to take him seriously, right? but i think i finally see it the way he meant. it became rather obvious the sales mgr is playing dirty, feeding inaccurate information abt me to the boss. otherwise, why would she said i should "make my presence known" or "be louder". i really dislike the way that sales mgr handled this. if he feels a need for me to mingle more with his sales team, he should come to me directly and not tell my boss. yes, it could be my boss just asked him abt me, and he shares with her what he observed and things like that. even so, he should have approached me directly before, or even after he shared with her. he needn't to wait till the boss asked and then he just share "what he knows". and honestly, i doubt my boss even asked him if he has spoken to me about it.
i was complaining this to my ex-boss, ET. she said that it's obvious that i don't sit in with such culture. and considering how the sales mgr tell "things" to my boss, there'll be backstabbing within the team. worse, it's a TEAM of sales against poor little me. so naturally it would demoralizing. so how to stay long? she told me to find some better place. i don't doubt i won't, but there is a need to have the right time. now, i need the experience, and sadly i'm enjoying what i'm doing, perhaps just not the industry. then again, i don't know if other FMCG companies are the same....
my PM resigned and his last day would be end of this month. i didn't expect him to be leaving for real, after all, he kept going on and on and on about he's going to quit but somehow just didn't. so i'll be, erm, fending for myself.
my boss asked me to go think whether i would want to continue with this job or whether this job is suitable for me. i was taken aback. trying to take this positively, she just wants me to make sure this is what i'm expecting and if i can carry on working with them. if i am thinking otherwise, i'm free to go. i thought i felt her bruising my ego.
anyway, as long as i'm in this team, it's beginning to be tougher than i expected. i may have a really nice boss, but a boss who seemed to be listening to her sales team more, then it will be a bigger push factor, other than the rather-low-class-culture.
as what ET says, just take a step at a time. i thought i would give myself at least 3 yrs, but i hoped i could survive till end of Oct... now, that really shows how bad it becoming for me.
yes i agree, i don't seem to be interacting alot purely because I SIMPLY CAN'T FIT IN!! OMG!! it is like bad la! i mean, i don't go around cussing and swearing at every single sentence i speak, nor do i constantly crack yellow jokes! gawd! how can i stoop to that kind of level!? that's like so low class!! and i'm simply not that unrefined! how can i change myself to be that unrefined to that kind of extend just to "bond with the sales team"??!
there's this lady who happened to be one of my predecessor, currently working for another team. she is CRUDE! and i don't like that. as a woman, u don't simply just talk about balls and pussies or nipples just to mingle with guys. yeah, the men there prolly liked it, but puh-lease! that's so degrading! such a pretty lady in her mid-thirties who's married with a 4 year old kid, carrying herself this way?? oh c'mon! she's a funny lady, but i thought trying to be like her is WAY overboard for me. i'm cheeky, but in a civilised way. i don't go around and say things like "tickling her nipples" or "confirm make her shiok down there" or "give him that black hole" etc... gawd! so uncouth! i shudder even typing abt it. i'm not trying to act high-class here. it's only about respecting people and behaving yourself. UPS trained me well. after all, i worked in other local companies before, i have never come across such crude culture like this!
anyway, the sales team have been working together for at least, 6 years and above? i'm only there for 6 months! and they're all Men. how does she expect me to just "blend in"? it definitely takes more than 6 months.. hello!?!?
i guess considering that i come from a "different culture", i am currently deemed to be the outcasted one.
when my PM said the boss is very "pro-Sales team", i took it with a pinch of salt. after all, he ranted and whined alot and put ppl down behind their backs so how to take him seriously, right? but i think i finally see it the way he meant. it became rather obvious the sales mgr is playing dirty, feeding inaccurate information abt me to the boss. otherwise, why would she said i should "make my presence known" or "be louder". i really dislike the way that sales mgr handled this. if he feels a need for me to mingle more with his sales team, he should come to me directly and not tell my boss. yes, it could be my boss just asked him abt me, and he shares with her what he observed and things like that. even so, he should have approached me directly before, or even after he shared with her. he needn't to wait till the boss asked and then he just share "what he knows". and honestly, i doubt my boss even asked him if he has spoken to me about it.
i was complaining this to my ex-boss, ET. she said that it's obvious that i don't sit in with such culture. and considering how the sales mgr tell "things" to my boss, there'll be backstabbing within the team. worse, it's a TEAM of sales against poor little me. so naturally it would demoralizing. so how to stay long? she told me to find some better place. i don't doubt i won't, but there is a need to have the right time. now, i need the experience, and sadly i'm enjoying what i'm doing, perhaps just not the industry. then again, i don't know if other FMCG companies are the same....
my PM resigned and his last day would be end of this month. i didn't expect him to be leaving for real, after all, he kept going on and on and on about he's going to quit but somehow just didn't. so i'll be, erm, fending for myself.
my boss asked me to go think whether i would want to continue with this job or whether this job is suitable for me. i was taken aback. trying to take this positively, she just wants me to make sure this is what i'm expecting and if i can carry on working with them. if i am thinking otherwise, i'm free to go. i thought i felt her bruising my ego.
anyway, as long as i'm in this team, it's beginning to be tougher than i expected. i may have a really nice boss, but a boss who seemed to be listening to her sales team more, then it will be a bigger push factor, other than the rather-low-class-culture.
as what ET says, just take a step at a time. i thought i would give myself at least 3 yrs, but i hoped i could survive till end of Oct... now, that really shows how bad it becoming for me.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
single again
after 15 months of having someone, i'm alone once more. i guess the perks about dating would be not having to worry about whether i would have anything to do for the weekends. even though, yes, when we're together we do have to think of what to do. only difference is, the company - whether or not there is anything to do. even hanging out at his place also beats having to sit around whole day, not knowing what to do or where to go. and worse still, none of friends that've tried contacting would be available. sigh...
all i can say is, start getting used to being alone again.
all i can say is, start getting used to being alone again.
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