Blockages....

I was happily baptized 2 weeks ago, with the many thousands of them around the world. While others felt the Holy Spirit came down on them, I didn’t feel much. I don’t truly know why. But when I finally took the Eucharist, tears swelled when I gave thanks. It has been a long journey for me. And of course, I was excited about the whole thing, despite being cool throughout the entire event. Honored, definitely, to be part of this new loving family.

I’ve gained new friends who’re as closed as real sisters and brothers, new loving god-parents, new younger god-siblings (that came in a bunch!). How not to be spoiled by soaking in their love all the time? It’s great, everything has been awesomely great.

However, lately, I felt many blockages, like something’s not right. And I could feel myself “slipping away”. I wasn’t praying much, much less able to hear Him now, and I didn’t really know what’s going on. I didn’t feel like sharing during group sharing sessions. Simply, I couldn’t feel Him and felt pretty much disoriented. Honestly, I was getting scared.

I could always put the blame on my current company, but not right to do that. I really don’t wish to say much anymore, just only focus on getting out. At least, I’m quite focus on praying for a new job at least, as I know I’m soaking in a pool of poison, where it attacks the mental health. The resentments alone, is enough to kill any healthy being. It’s like hanging around with “living zombies”, people who work for the sake of working. They have no zest in life, and only talking behind each other’s back. Moderate gossiping is still fine by my standards, but it’s getting excessive lately. And the Big Bosses are considering to cut back some of our benefits as part of their cost-cutting initiative. I can really go on and on and on, however, instead of putting in so much effort to be whiney and miserable, I want to do something about it. I HAVE to do something about it. And I’m getting out of there. For my own sake, for my mental health, for the betterment of me, I want to get out. I wanted to just rough it out but enough is really enough.

By far, I’ve only went for 1 interview, out of the many resumes I’ve sent. Frustrating, really. I need a lot of strength, and loads and loads of patience. Sometimes I feel like I’m at the brink of just throwing in the letter…