moving on now...

i dont know how much i can reveal here... those who know, should have known what happened. i'm picking up the pieces and it'll not be easy. i was prepared for the aftermath, but it somehow gotten worse than i was prepared for. maybe i've underestimated this whole thing, so i'm paying my feelings for this.

i'll be taking a break for a while. one month, 2 months... undefined.

i feel so drained... tired from what i put myself through.

time ticks by...

as the timer shows, my days are numbered. i guess there wouldn't be an opportunity for me to back out of anything even if i want... everything has seemed to fall into place, and yar, i think i would have to put myself through this...

after strolling alone in that huge piece of grassland, my feet led me downslopes, heading towards a tunnel. i can see light, but i can't see anything there yet. every step i took became a bear, and with much caution. the smell of air was damp and stale. something is calling and watching me from behind. i stood there in my tracks, didn't know what to do. yet, i told myself i should walk forward. anxiety overwhelms me and i almost couldn't breathe. i saw myself already made half my way through the longwinding tunnel, i lean against the damp wall, beginning to crouch. i hugged my knees and felt like crying, feeling so lost and trapped in my thoughts. perhaps that's what i'll get when the mind and heart lost their synchronization.

i screamed and no one hears me. my voices echoed in the midst of the tunnel. no one was there at the point i stopped walking... no motivation. no point of crying, its simply redundant. i felt silly.

the walk to the end of the tunnel is inevitable, and i know i will make myself walk through this, even though the feeling's not going to be how i should supposed to feel. and that's what my mind is telling me: do things i have to do and do it right.

suddenly, i'm not so sure of myself anymore...