after a 4-years long relationship, Hua tied the knot with Justin yesterday.
as friends, we helped out in every way possible and ensured the day went on smoothly. and i was glad to say that it did. i didnt remember if there was any major hiccups. all i noticed was the bride got extremely exhausted after the 1st half of the day. nevertheless, we could feel her happiness to go through this day.
despite it was slightly drizzling at night, Hua insisted to get soleumnization done by the poolside. only her intimate close friends and relatives were there to witness this sacred event. of coz', the guests were sheltered.
right after, it was time to throw her bouquet. and guess what? I CAUGHT THE BOUQUET! how quaint. tmd. either i was standing at the prime spot or it could be the way she threw her flowers. it was so right in my face! if i didn't catch it, it would land on the floor. and the photographer drilled us that the bouquet MUST not land on the floor. is that fate? i don't know.... when i caught it, the photographer snapped and snapped away... congrats filled my ears. i was like WTF.... looked like i have to quickly find someone and fulfill the prophecy of this tradition. and so much of me wanting to enjoy more... hehehe...
it's slowly sinking in that Hua's married. and i need to get used to her addressing Justin as "my husband" and not "my boyfriend".
well, i'm still glad i'm a Miss and not a Missus.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
nop, not very good
i guess it's not exactly a brilliant idea to get ex-gf and new gf to be in a same place, at the same table. i could tell she wasn't in her best moods when she saw me, and neither did i gave her my megawatt smile. no, i don't think i'm glad to see her even though i've seen her pictures before.
it had been more than a year since i last stepped into Double O, prolly for the last time till it closes and moved to a new premise. i was hoping i would get some fun with the usual bunch of people. unfortunately, i guessed i hoped for too much. no, it's not the same.
the night started off pretty alright, but was kind of awkward. no, it's not seeing YM and his new gf weird. i never felt weird with YM, nor having to see who's his latest squeeze. imagine this scenario: YM and his gf and new clique at one corner of the club, and i was with YM's old bunch of friends at the other corner. for some reason, "merger" wasn't allowed. so ended up, YM would come over with some friends who knew us, and we would occasionally popped by at their table. that was pretty stupid. thankfully, i didn't know who finally came to their senses, both cliques were sharing the same table.
of coz', being the sensitive me and reading her body language throughout the night, no, i wasn't too welcome. she would scoot off somewhere with or without YM. i didn't blame her. that was a normal reaction i expected. i was only surprised she didnt hissed at me. HAHA! of coz', i observed something else which i thought it's not a norm.... well, if u want to know, u can PM (private message) me. anyone but YM. sorry babe, not you. hehe...
YM's friends were expecting catfights. hehehe.... i was glad i had been civilized the whole night. i kept my distance with both of them and that was only right. so she should be coming round and thank me for being nice and "automatic". :P yes i know, i'm a bitch. loving myself to the bits! tee hee!
Kailing knew what i had in mind... heh heh.... but no, it's all say-say only. i have a mean bone but i didn't have to activate it. i believe she's a nice girl, even though i expected more from YM's taste though... :P Kidding!!!
the night didn't end very well. Jacob was barely sober, became emotional and almost got in a quarrel with YM. that's like so WTF. i could only guessed what was going on even though i had to calm down YM and the other boys who was stopping Jacob from saying whatever he wanted to say. oh please, so juvenile! why did they have to take whatever he's gonna say so seriously? he was in his drunk stupor and the last thing could be taken into consideration was what he would say. so just let him say lar! duh! as if raising voice at him would help the situation.
YM and sister went back to the club, Kailing and Jason escorted Jacob back home. as for me, i called on early for the night as well. well, not too early too: 2.30am.
to sum it up, no, i didn't really enjoyed myself. it could've been better la. perhaps with the "proper company", things would've been different. and there is also a possibility that i'm getting detached from all these clubbing scenes. rather than clubbing, i would appreciate good company chilling out at some pub or coffee joints. even steamboat would be much more enjoyable than yesterday.
like i was telling YM earlier, i felt i was getting old already. i doubt i could still keep up with the young scenes anymore. he's with a young girl now so he'll be forever young. HAHA.... bad pun.
clubbing: so a thing in the past.
it had been more than a year since i last stepped into Double O, prolly for the last time till it closes and moved to a new premise. i was hoping i would get some fun with the usual bunch of people. unfortunately, i guessed i hoped for too much. no, it's not the same.
the night started off pretty alright, but was kind of awkward. no, it's not seeing YM and his new gf weird. i never felt weird with YM, nor having to see who's his latest squeeze. imagine this scenario: YM and his gf and new clique at one corner of the club, and i was with YM's old bunch of friends at the other corner. for some reason, "merger" wasn't allowed. so ended up, YM would come over with some friends who knew us, and we would occasionally popped by at their table. that was pretty stupid. thankfully, i didn't know who finally came to their senses, both cliques were sharing the same table.
of coz', being the sensitive me and reading her body language throughout the night, no, i wasn't too welcome. she would scoot off somewhere with or without YM. i didn't blame her. that was a normal reaction i expected. i was only surprised she didnt hissed at me. HAHA! of coz', i observed something else which i thought it's not a norm.... well, if u want to know, u can PM (private message) me. anyone but YM. sorry babe, not you. hehe...
YM's friends were expecting catfights. hehehe.... i was glad i had been civilized the whole night. i kept my distance with both of them and that was only right. so she should be coming round and thank me for being nice and "automatic". :P yes i know, i'm a bitch. loving myself to the bits! tee hee!
Kailing knew what i had in mind... heh heh.... but no, it's all say-say only. i have a mean bone but i didn't have to activate it. i believe she's a nice girl, even though i expected more from YM's taste though... :P Kidding!!!
the night didn't end very well. Jacob was barely sober, became emotional and almost got in a quarrel with YM. that's like so WTF. i could only guessed what was going on even though i had to calm down YM and the other boys who was stopping Jacob from saying whatever he wanted to say. oh please, so juvenile! why did they have to take whatever he's gonna say so seriously? he was in his drunk stupor and the last thing could be taken into consideration was what he would say. so just let him say lar! duh! as if raising voice at him would help the situation.
YM and sister went back to the club, Kailing and Jason escorted Jacob back home. as for me, i called on early for the night as well. well, not too early too: 2.30am.
to sum it up, no, i didn't really enjoyed myself. it could've been better la. perhaps with the "proper company", things would've been different. and there is also a possibility that i'm getting detached from all these clubbing scenes. rather than clubbing, i would appreciate good company chilling out at some pub or coffee joints. even steamboat would be much more enjoyable than yesterday.
like i was telling YM earlier, i felt i was getting old already. i doubt i could still keep up with the young scenes anymore. he's with a young girl now so he'll be forever young. HAHA.... bad pun.
clubbing: so a thing in the past.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
random thoughts
has been more than 1 month since my last update. nothing much to say though - life's pretty much the same.
just celebrated jacob's bday at Beach Cabana yesterday. the meeting was long overdue. and i'm glad that we had our share of laughing fits, and also some long chats which ended around 4am. nothing felt better than having fun all over again.
seeing YM there again didn't put me in an awkward position. in fact, i was just glad we could still talk like we used to. only thing was that he was into his old habits, checking soccer updates. really unnecessary. of coz, seeing him again brought back good old memories.... set me thinking.... but i just pushed them away. things were slightly different already, so there wasn't a point.... then i wouldn't deny i missed him somehow. now, i only wished he would be happy with his new-found love. if it was meant to be, it would.
counting down 2 more days to my block leave..... 2 more days and i'll bid goodbye to the working world for the year! how exciting that would be! and 1 more month to my holiday to Philippines!! hoo boy, i sure know how to get myself out of an emo state. hahaha....
i guess when u're single, u would be totally dependent on yourself to make yourself happy. nothing's bad about that. in fact, i thought i would appreciate myself better. :)
Class 95 was playing all 80s weekend. Summer Rain reminded me of the days at Double O.... so much fun.... if i would go there again, how would it still feel....
maybe i should go, before it shuts down for good...
just celebrated jacob's bday at Beach Cabana yesterday. the meeting was long overdue. and i'm glad that we had our share of laughing fits, and also some long chats which ended around 4am. nothing felt better than having fun all over again.
seeing YM there again didn't put me in an awkward position. in fact, i was just glad we could still talk like we used to. only thing was that he was into his old habits, checking soccer updates. really unnecessary. of coz, seeing him again brought back good old memories.... set me thinking.... but i just pushed them away. things were slightly different already, so there wasn't a point.... then i wouldn't deny i missed him somehow. now, i only wished he would be happy with his new-found love. if it was meant to be, it would.
counting down 2 more days to my block leave..... 2 more days and i'll bid goodbye to the working world for the year! how exciting that would be! and 1 more month to my holiday to Philippines!! hoo boy, i sure know how to get myself out of an emo state. hahaha....
i guess when u're single, u would be totally dependent on yourself to make yourself happy. nothing's bad about that. in fact, i thought i would appreciate myself better. :)
Class 95 was playing all 80s weekend. Summer Rain reminded me of the days at Double O.... so much fun.... if i would go there again, how would it still feel....
maybe i should go, before it shuts down for good...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
i'm loving it!
i know I haven’t been updating for a good long while. After I came back from my dive trip, I had to tone myself down and tune back to working life and most importantly, my final exam.
The whole of October was exciting to me: progression to get my open water license, my birthday, and then a pretty last minute Halloween. Basically, October was a good month where I started to explore a whole new world underwater, feeling pretty princessy on my birthday and getting to know my family all over again. Ive never felt better, and found new motivation in life. things seemed to get better than many years ago... and i'm feeling happy.
Other than that, just before my final exam, my mid-term results released and gotten a really pleasant surprise: I got a distinction for my test! Couldn’t have been better for me and it’s really encouraging! And after sitting for my exam, I’m hoping I can still maintain my distinction. Then again, I would prolly forget that I had my exam coz’ the results would be out 1 month later. And then, the whole butterflies-in-tummy feeling would surge through me all over again! Sigh….
Anyways, 1st thing to look forward to: MY BLOCK LEAVE!! YAY!!! From 23 Dec ’09 to 3 Jan ’10! Ultimate NUAHzzzz! Never did this EVER in my working life. So SHIIIIIOK!! Also, I can prepare for Hua’s wedding too…. :D
Another thing to look forward to next year: I’ve 3 dive trips!! WOOOOT!!
Jan – Advance test at Subic Bay
Jul – Leisure dive at Sipadan, Msia
Sept – Leisure dive at Bali
Best part??? I’ve gotten the air fares on promotion!! For all 3 dives, my air tickets in toto are less than $230!! How?? AirAsia is having a promotion for free airfares, and I got it!! So I only paid the taxes! How cool that is!!!! WOOOOOT~~~!
Happy sha lalala… it’s so nice to be happy!
I’ve already planning to book my leave when the new year starts and would have about 5 days of leaves left. Im gonna keep those 5 days till end of the year or for other planning. If not, I would take block leave like I’m doing for this year!
So pleased with myself coz’ I’m finally doing things on my own, and really just concentrate to make myself happy. I guess it’s times like this I would appreciate myself better and make sure I lived my life to its fullest. rather than doing something out of obligation, this is pure enjoyment. somehow, i'm beginning to be optimistic about the upcoming year...
maybe i may consider gaining my instructor license, if i can... coz' there's actually instructor allowance upon graduation on freelance basis. i can do good with some extra cash. :)
The whole of October was exciting to me: progression to get my open water license, my birthday, and then a pretty last minute Halloween. Basically, October was a good month where I started to explore a whole new world underwater, feeling pretty princessy on my birthday and getting to know my family all over again. Ive never felt better, and found new motivation in life. things seemed to get better than many years ago... and i'm feeling happy.
Other than that, just before my final exam, my mid-term results released and gotten a really pleasant surprise: I got a distinction for my test! Couldn’t have been better for me and it’s really encouraging! And after sitting for my exam, I’m hoping I can still maintain my distinction. Then again, I would prolly forget that I had my exam coz’ the results would be out 1 month later. And then, the whole butterflies-in-tummy feeling would surge through me all over again! Sigh….
Anyways, 1st thing to look forward to: MY BLOCK LEAVE!! YAY!!! From 23 Dec ’09 to 3 Jan ’10! Ultimate NUAHzzzz! Never did this EVER in my working life. So SHIIIIIOK!! Also, I can prepare for Hua’s wedding too…. :D
Another thing to look forward to next year: I’ve 3 dive trips!! WOOOOT!!
Jan – Advance test at Subic Bay
Jul – Leisure dive at Sipadan, Msia
Sept – Leisure dive at Bali
Best part??? I’ve gotten the air fares on promotion!! For all 3 dives, my air tickets in toto are less than $230!! How?? AirAsia is having a promotion for free airfares, and I got it!! So I only paid the taxes! How cool that is!!!! WOOOOOT~~~!
Happy sha lalala… it’s so nice to be happy!
I’ve already planning to book my leave when the new year starts and would have about 5 days of leaves left. Im gonna keep those 5 days till end of the year or for other planning. If not, I would take block leave like I’m doing for this year!
So pleased with myself coz’ I’m finally doing things on my own, and really just concentrate to make myself happy. I guess it’s times like this I would appreciate myself better and make sure I lived my life to its fullest. rather than doing something out of obligation, this is pure enjoyment. somehow, i'm beginning to be optimistic about the upcoming year...
maybe i may consider gaining my instructor license, if i can... coz' there's actually instructor allowance upon graduation on freelance basis. i can do good with some extra cash. :)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
*shouts* I'M A CERTIFIED DIVER!!
YES YES!! I PASSED MY TEST AND I CAN OFFICIALLY DIVE!!
the adrenaline of that feeling came pretty late actually. when i'd successfully completed the last 2 skills, it didn't sink in that i've passed. i surfaced, and i still wasn't feeling this exhilarated. perhaps all these while i didn't see it as a test per se, but rather a real diving experience.
nevertheless, i did it! it's an awesome present i've gotten for myself.
of coz', not forgetting some bruises and coral cuts i had inflicted while diving. for my virgin dive, i wanted to see if i could do without Gerald's glove he loaned me. well, i lost my balance in water and landed on a coral which had pretty rough surface. i wanted to grab it to keep my balance, in the end, i scratched myself. no blood, as it was more like paper cuts. still, it stung underwater. after that, i had his gloves on with me for every dive.
the pictures are uploaded in my facebook, so go have a look. they're combined with those taken by my instructors. looking back, that was such a great memory, great way to mark my 25th bday.
next, i want to go further to get my Advance too.... i'm targeting somewhere mid-next year... hopefully those girls who went with me be gamed for that!
the adrenaline of that feeling came pretty late actually. when i'd successfully completed the last 2 skills, it didn't sink in that i've passed. i surfaced, and i still wasn't feeling this exhilarated. perhaps all these while i didn't see it as a test per se, but rather a real diving experience.
nevertheless, i did it! it's an awesome present i've gotten for myself.
of coz', not forgetting some bruises and coral cuts i had inflicted while diving. for my virgin dive, i wanted to see if i could do without Gerald's glove he loaned me. well, i lost my balance in water and landed on a coral which had pretty rough surface. i wanted to grab it to keep my balance, in the end, i scratched myself. no blood, as it was more like paper cuts. still, it stung underwater. after that, i had his gloves on with me for every dive.
the pictures are uploaded in my facebook, so go have a look. they're combined with those taken by my instructors. looking back, that was such a great memory, great way to mark my 25th bday.
next, i want to go further to get my Advance too.... i'm targeting somewhere mid-next year... hopefully those girls who went with me be gamed for that!
Sunday, October 04, 2009
October....
We're in October already! Mun had celebrated her bday already, and soon it'll be my turn. getting a little excited somewhat, even though it's not entirely exciting about being a year older. yes, yes, Gerald will say "age is just a number..." who he's kidding man!? he's like in self-denial la... anyway, age doesn't bother men, in general. coz' women gets the impact of feeling like a withered flower, not men! imagine having to face up with wrinkles, saggy boobs, menopause and loose skin everywhere. gawd... the thought of being older is daunting... :(
anyways, i'll be going to Tioman to attain my Open Water dive cert. that's like the whole highlight of the year! and i'm going for my confined pool diving this coming weekend. so SO exCITING!!!!! but, i'm not done with mugging for the theory test. :P
i wanted to extend my trip on Tioman, however it seemed like it's not possible. 1stly, we cant reside at Island Reef resort, so i won't get to see Ronnie or put fireworks; 2ndly, Jacob isnt keen as we had to stay at Happy Inn, which he claimed that the condition is not up to standard. i've already taken leave, now i'm wondering if i should just cancel it or just do something by myself. spa at Batam sounds inviting.... :)
anyway, yesterday was mid-autumn festival. it was raining in the day so there was no moon at night. even so, we were glad it stopped raining in the evening and we went to meet up at Sembawang Park. it's so blardy far for me la! and that stupid bro of mine couldn't loan his darn car. then again, it's not very nice to get all of them to meet me in the east when i was the only joker who stayed in the east in that group. oh well...
Jason was at the park fishing at the jetty. so all of us went there to accompany him, while we sat there and chatted. it was like freaking crowded on the beach: families and friends were playing with sparklers and lanterns, lighted up the whole park (of coz', we just added on to the PSI level). laughters were heard at almost every corner of the park. most importantly, for the 1st time, i saw people putting Kong Ming Lantern up to the sky! it was a great sight! and i thought it was amazing that i saw Malays joining in the fun and sending the Lantern up to the sky as well! i guess it felt good to know i'm living in a country which successfully stressed Racial Harmony into the society.
we bought some food, paper lanterns, lots of candles, fire sparklers, and of coz' beer, to accompany us for the night. not forgetting the mooncakes. we chatted, sang, laughed and thoroughly enjoyed the company. it was a great gathering, despite that we didn't managed to have a BBQ as there were no more pits available. so next week, we hope the BBQ would be successfully carried out.
so i guess this month would be funfilled for me. i'm glad actually. :D and may i have more funfilled months to come!
anyways, i'll be going to Tioman to attain my Open Water dive cert. that's like the whole highlight of the year! and i'm going for my confined pool diving this coming weekend. so SO exCITING!!!!! but, i'm not done with mugging for the theory test. :P
i wanted to extend my trip on Tioman, however it seemed like it's not possible. 1stly, we cant reside at Island Reef resort, so i won't get to see Ronnie or put fireworks; 2ndly, Jacob isnt keen as we had to stay at Happy Inn, which he claimed that the condition is not up to standard. i've already taken leave, now i'm wondering if i should just cancel it or just do something by myself. spa at Batam sounds inviting.... :)
anyway, yesterday was mid-autumn festival. it was raining in the day so there was no moon at night. even so, we were glad it stopped raining in the evening and we went to meet up at Sembawang Park. it's so blardy far for me la! and that stupid bro of mine couldn't loan his darn car. then again, it's not very nice to get all of them to meet me in the east when i was the only joker who stayed in the east in that group. oh well...
Jason was at the park fishing at the jetty. so all of us went there to accompany him, while we sat there and chatted. it was like freaking crowded on the beach: families and friends were playing with sparklers and lanterns, lighted up the whole park (of coz', we just added on to the PSI level). laughters were heard at almost every corner of the park. most importantly, for the 1st time, i saw people putting Kong Ming Lantern up to the sky! it was a great sight! and i thought it was amazing that i saw Malays joining in the fun and sending the Lantern up to the sky as well! i guess it felt good to know i'm living in a country which successfully stressed Racial Harmony into the society.
we bought some food, paper lanterns, lots of candles, fire sparklers, and of coz' beer, to accompany us for the night. not forgetting the mooncakes. we chatted, sang, laughed and thoroughly enjoyed the company. it was a great gathering, despite that we didn't managed to have a BBQ as there were no more pits available. so next week, we hope the BBQ would be successfully carried out.
so i guess this month would be funfilled for me. i'm glad actually. :D and may i have more funfilled months to come!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
really tired
i'll be on leave tomorrow, planned to be mugging for my mid-sem test on Sat. today i went to work earlier than usual as i've some really urgent bids to clear. in addition, i had quite alot of stuff which had to get it off my hand by today. still, the usual 8 working hours were still not enough... so i worked overtime, stretching my working time to more than 12 hours. i was so drained.... yet when i left the office, i couldn't bear to go on leave because i knew my work were still pending.
from the start of the week, i was already hounded by alot of work. worked late almost everyday and to one point in time, i almost wanted to break down. if it wasn't due to my PMS, i wouldn't have felt this way. so much work, so little time, and i felt like drowning. sometimes the moment i reached to the office, sat on my desk, i didnt know which to start 1st. hated that feeling coz' i knew my gears were not ready for the day. it'll usually take a while but by then you knew it, almost the morning was gone... sigh.
i guess i'll sleep in till late morning tomorrow, have a good bfast and whisk myself off to the library to do some serious studying. that's prolly the only place on earth which would get me in the study mood. perhaps, like old times, i'll travel to Marine Parade library to study. what about my room? too cosy!
alright, hope all goes well for my studying in the day and i'll meet Bel and Mun for dinner.
it's going to be Friday again, and it gets me all excited just thinking about it. yes, i'm still smiling despite being awfully drained. the only killjoy for now: that stupid test.
from the start of the week, i was already hounded by alot of work. worked late almost everyday and to one point in time, i almost wanted to break down. if it wasn't due to my PMS, i wouldn't have felt this way. so much work, so little time, and i felt like drowning. sometimes the moment i reached to the office, sat on my desk, i didnt know which to start 1st. hated that feeling coz' i knew my gears were not ready for the day. it'll usually take a while but by then you knew it, almost the morning was gone... sigh.
i guess i'll sleep in till late morning tomorrow, have a good bfast and whisk myself off to the library to do some serious studying. that's prolly the only place on earth which would get me in the study mood. perhaps, like old times, i'll travel to Marine Parade library to study. what about my room? too cosy!
alright, hope all goes well for my studying in the day and i'll meet Bel and Mun for dinner.
it's going to be Friday again, and it gets me all excited just thinking about it. yes, i'm still smiling despite being awfully drained. the only killjoy for now: that stupid test.
Sunday, September 06, 2009
maybe PMS-ing
havent been updating for a while... lack of the proper brain juice to blog. then again, nothing much happening around me though...
life's pretty much a bore right now, so sucked into my daily routine over the week. other than work over the weekdays, gym and hanging out with angmoh on Sat, and ultimate nuahz and cleaning up my room on Sun, nothing else is on the list. now i don't really go for weekly drinking with the boys in my company coz i'm just not too keen about that. also, i realize tht if i would to stay up late on Fri plus some booze, i can't really catch up my breathe during workout at gym.
anyways, i'm having some muscle aches on my thighs and my arms. i told angmoh, and he laughed at me, commenting that i only exercise once a week so i can't expect much. tmd. and he was rolling his eyes when i told him i only exercised once a week! wah lau, what's wrong with that lor!?! at least i exercise right? riiiight??? bleah!
sigh. it'll be nice to have someone i can cuddle with right now... pout. oh well...
and i dread to know it's Sept already, and Gerald had to remind me that my bday is coming soon. i so don't want to turn 25 lar! yes, even though age is just a number, but you can't just be totally oblivious to it. especially when you know you'll get wrinkles, saggy boobs, and maybe residing hairlines. and most importantly, youth is already becoming a history chapter in your life. hmm, not entirely very exciting to grow old. unless, i'm making big bucks to indulge myself in Spa, endless short getaways, and collagen, then perhaps it'll be slightly different. will i ever get to that mark? well, it'll be a reasonable long-term goal. so for now, just whine. =P
okay, i think i should stop whining abit and go get myself some dinner. hmm, what should i eat?
life's pretty much a bore right now, so sucked into my daily routine over the week. other than work over the weekdays, gym and hanging out with angmoh on Sat, and ultimate nuahz and cleaning up my room on Sun, nothing else is on the list. now i don't really go for weekly drinking with the boys in my company coz i'm just not too keen about that. also, i realize tht if i would to stay up late on Fri plus some booze, i can't really catch up my breathe during workout at gym.
anyways, i'm having some muscle aches on my thighs and my arms. i told angmoh, and he laughed at me, commenting that i only exercise once a week so i can't expect much. tmd. and he was rolling his eyes when i told him i only exercised once a week! wah lau, what's wrong with that lor!?! at least i exercise right? riiiight??? bleah!
sigh. it'll be nice to have someone i can cuddle with right now... pout. oh well...
and i dread to know it's Sept already, and Gerald had to remind me that my bday is coming soon. i so don't want to turn 25 lar! yes, even though age is just a number, but you can't just be totally oblivious to it. especially when you know you'll get wrinkles, saggy boobs, and maybe residing hairlines. and most importantly, youth is already becoming a history chapter in your life. hmm, not entirely very exciting to grow old. unless, i'm making big bucks to indulge myself in Spa, endless short getaways, and collagen, then perhaps it'll be slightly different. will i ever get to that mark? well, it'll be a reasonable long-term goal. so for now, just whine. =P
okay, i think i should stop whining abit and go get myself some dinner. hmm, what should i eat?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
on a serious note...
i guess i always tend to know things that i shouldn't know and in the end, i had sworn secrecy over it. it's not about the secret i have to bear with me to the grave, but more of the question to something else: why do people get married? do they get married becoz' of love or out of obligations? or it's a mixed of both?
there are just so many questions going through my mind right now, so tough to organize them.
"don't marry someone you can live with; marry someone you can't live without", is that true or it's just a saying? when you're told that he/she never felt this way with his/her partner in a marriage before, you start to wonder if this person married for the right reasons. and do they even think hard enough before taking the plunge? or it's a matter of "going with the flow..."? then again, is it that difficult to maintain the kind of sparks in a marriage? when there're no more sparks, does that spell the end of a marriage, regardless how much the couple went through?
things like that makes me wonder and eventually gets cynical. it's no wonder why some people would end up being single for the rest of their lives. hearing stories like these doesn't give singles like me any kind of security. yes, anything could've happen. but when you're being told that, "this is not just a fling and we're serious about each other" despite being married, values taught to stay faithful to a marriage is no longer there. i'm not implying these people have no values; it's that people would be more willing to follow their heart than doing what's right or wrong anymore.
sometimes i wonder is it because as we aged, we tend to do things with our heart than with the head. after all, time is ticking away and we began to realize how important it is to be truly happy with what we have and achieve for things we don't. yet back then in our younger days, we sincerely think that we have the whole life to spend.
for me, i realize i'm slowly switching from a head-person to a heart-person. things i've done are right out of my heart, respecting how i felt and act upon what my heart tells me to do. unbashfully, i felt good when it's done right out from the heart even though consequences can be nasty. but i think as long as you don't end up letting yourself down, there shouldn't have any regrets. same goes to marriage - it should be what i want deep down, and not what i have i do. ultimately, happiness and love inter-twines each other. and yes, i want to be happy, for as long as it would last.
like duh.
there are just so many questions going through my mind right now, so tough to organize them.
"don't marry someone you can live with; marry someone you can't live without", is that true or it's just a saying? when you're told that he/she never felt this way with his/her partner in a marriage before, you start to wonder if this person married for the right reasons. and do they even think hard enough before taking the plunge? or it's a matter of "going with the flow..."? then again, is it that difficult to maintain the kind of sparks in a marriage? when there're no more sparks, does that spell the end of a marriage, regardless how much the couple went through?
things like that makes me wonder and eventually gets cynical. it's no wonder why some people would end up being single for the rest of their lives. hearing stories like these doesn't give singles like me any kind of security. yes, anything could've happen. but when you're being told that, "this is not just a fling and we're serious about each other" despite being married, values taught to stay faithful to a marriage is no longer there. i'm not implying these people have no values; it's that people would be more willing to follow their heart than doing what's right or wrong anymore.
sometimes i wonder is it because as we aged, we tend to do things with our heart than with the head. after all, time is ticking away and we began to realize how important it is to be truly happy with what we have and achieve for things we don't. yet back then in our younger days, we sincerely think that we have the whole life to spend.
for me, i realize i'm slowly switching from a head-person to a heart-person. things i've done are right out of my heart, respecting how i felt and act upon what my heart tells me to do. unbashfully, i felt good when it's done right out from the heart even though consequences can be nasty. but i think as long as you don't end up letting yourself down, there shouldn't have any regrets. same goes to marriage - it should be what i want deep down, and not what i have i do. ultimately, happiness and love inter-twines each other. and yes, i want to be happy, for as long as it would last.
like duh.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I'm Unpatriotic
I was pretty much used to spending time alone at home most of my weekends. only some nights, i'll go drinking with "the lads" from UPS who gladly treated me as "one of the lads". just chill and chat, and chat some more... so usually i would just sleep in the day, woke up in in the afternoon, do some chores and clean that smelly dog, and then watched TV. so i was happily hooked on the Taiwanese variety shows till i realized it was already 9pm: the National Day Parade was over. shit.
there was so much hype about getting everyone possible to say the pledge at 8.22pm sharp. i thought it was a great idea to get the nation involved, even though they may not be watching the parade at home. i mean, for once, feel Singaporean. i guess i was too engrossed with my own entertainment till i totally forgotten about it. seriously, missing the huge part of the parade is one thing, i literally skipped the whole damn thing. i'm ashamed. how i know i missed the parade? i happened to switch back to the local channels, and i saw the news came on with some snapshots of the parade. great.
i didn't even know the parade ends at 9pm lor... so wrong of me. i should be packing my bags and migrate to Sentosa.
i went to watch the preview with my mum quite a few years ago. even though it was only the preview, i thought watching the parade live beats having to watch from the black box. Bellie had the tix, for actual day (mind you), and she too, totally enjoyed the whole event. i'm like so envious can! as long as the parade would be held at the floating platform, chances of getting the tix are less than 1%. why? think about it: all participants in the parade would be given 4 to 6 tix. that's prolly a good quarter of the seats taken. and then, another quarter of the tix are given to members of parliament and all those important people. so what are remaining? you go fig.
then again, even though i missed the whole national parade thing, i still love where i'm born and bred. and i feel so part of Singapore when i sing those songs myself while bathing okay! i may be "unfilial" to not catch the parade and celebrate as a nation, but this is Home: Bedok North Street 1, thank you.
if you find another Bedok North Street 1 in Zimbawe, there must have been some mistake....
there was so much hype about getting everyone possible to say the pledge at 8.22pm sharp. i thought it was a great idea to get the nation involved, even though they may not be watching the parade at home. i mean, for once, feel Singaporean. i guess i was too engrossed with my own entertainment till i totally forgotten about it. seriously, missing the huge part of the parade is one thing, i literally skipped the whole damn thing. i'm ashamed. how i know i missed the parade? i happened to switch back to the local channels, and i saw the news came on with some snapshots of the parade. great.
i didn't even know the parade ends at 9pm lor... so wrong of me. i should be packing my bags and migrate to Sentosa.
i went to watch the preview with my mum quite a few years ago. even though it was only the preview, i thought watching the parade live beats having to watch from the black box. Bellie had the tix, for actual day (mind you), and she too, totally enjoyed the whole event. i'm like so envious can! as long as the parade would be held at the floating platform, chances of getting the tix are less than 1%. why? think about it: all participants in the parade would be given 4 to 6 tix. that's prolly a good quarter of the seats taken. and then, another quarter of the tix are given to members of parliament and all those important people. so what are remaining? you go fig.
then again, even though i missed the whole national parade thing, i still love where i'm born and bred. and i feel so part of Singapore when i sing those songs myself while bathing okay! i may be "unfilial" to not catch the parade and celebrate as a nation, but this is Home: Bedok North Street 1, thank you.
if you find another Bedok North Street 1 in Zimbawe, there must have been some mistake....
Sunday, August 02, 2009
it all makes sense now...
i guess, sometimes all we have to do is to wait. waiting alone can be really frustrating, especially when most of the time i don't know what's going on and things like that. 2 months of waiting, in vain, and it all comes quite clear to me already. it's all in a game i'm trapped in. selfish people lay some emotional games and rolled me in willingly, at the end of the day, i'm glad i managed to get myself out of it.
2 months of emotional torture finally ends.
i hope things would still maintain its professionalism and i promise i'll keep to my end of the deal.
hopefully, that'll be the last i'll hear of him, on a personal note.
Never explain yourself to anyone
Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it
And the person who dislikes you won’t believe it
Don’t let someone become a priority in your life
When you are just an option in their life
Relationships work best when they are balanced
We make those who care for us cry
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us
courtesy of Gerald Lim... :)
2 months of emotional torture finally ends.
i hope things would still maintain its professionalism and i promise i'll keep to my end of the deal.
hopefully, that'll be the last i'll hear of him, on a personal note.
Never explain yourself to anyone
Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it
And the person who dislikes you won’t believe it
Don’t let someone become a priority in your life
When you are just an option in their life
Relationships work best when they are balanced
We make those who care for us cry
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us
courtesy of Gerald Lim... :)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
a new look!!
this is the only pic i have now.... haha... hope i can pull off this new hairstyle! :)
higher 'maintenance' now, coz' i have to set my fringe right every morning. so means, more time needed...
it's a whole lot of getting use to, and it's beginning to sink into me. somehow, i'm beginning to like it... haha... well, it's a good try! and i'm glad i did it... :D
Sunday, July 05, 2009
i'm jinx!
my jinx powers are at work, again! everytime when i want to do something about my tanning, it had to rain, no-sun, or my period has to come. ARGH!
it's so uncanny and frustrating. when i finished my gym classes yesterday, i wanted to change into my bikini and tanned under the sun by the pool. before i went to class, i saw the sun and was THAT excited. can't wait to finish my classes and work on my tan. HOWEVER, when i took out my bikini from the gym locker, Mei Mei came over and told me that it was raining.
O.O
wah lau!!
i told myself, i'm not giving up! i'll go the following day. since the Cable TV fella gonna come over to set it up, i could pop by right after that.
yet, i have to have my period. and it rained too....
ultimate sianx.
oh well, at least there's cable TV now, and some DVDs my colleague loaned me. so perhaps, not all's lost...
it's so uncanny and frustrating. when i finished my gym classes yesterday, i wanted to change into my bikini and tanned under the sun by the pool. before i went to class, i saw the sun and was THAT excited. can't wait to finish my classes and work on my tan. HOWEVER, when i took out my bikini from the gym locker, Mei Mei came over and told me that it was raining.
O.O
wah lau!!
i told myself, i'm not giving up! i'll go the following day. since the Cable TV fella gonna come over to set it up, i could pop by right after that.
yet, i have to have my period. and it rained too....
ultimate sianx.
oh well, at least there's cable TV now, and some DVDs my colleague loaned me. so perhaps, not all's lost...
Saturday, June 27, 2009
For the Bride-to-be
knowing that you're getting married, i'm having a mixed feelings of anxiousness and happiness. perhaps i've been skeptical after what i've put myself through, and i didn't want any of my love ones to go through what i did. even though, that decision was one of the bravest thing ever in my life and also deemed as irresponsible to many, i've never regretted my decision.
i won't question you or anything; just want to make sure this is what you want. i was told that no one is ever ready to get married, but i begged to differ. coz' i don't believe in "following the motion" anymore. i don't think i've reached conviction now, that after a certain period of dating, it's only "right" or "time" to get married. it's either you truly believe this is what you want, or give yourself some time to think it through. of coz', i'm saying this coz' my priorities have shifted and things i believed i'm looking for are alot more different than i used to see.
whatever it is, don't stop believing in yourself in things you want to do and achieve. you have my sincerest blessings and very much want to know you've found happiness.
of coz', take my words with a pinch of salt. :)
i love you, and i always will.... :)
i won't question you or anything; just want to make sure this is what you want. i was told that no one is ever ready to get married, but i begged to differ. coz' i don't believe in "following the motion" anymore. i don't think i've reached conviction now, that after a certain period of dating, it's only "right" or "time" to get married. it's either you truly believe this is what you want, or give yourself some time to think it through. of coz', i'm saying this coz' my priorities have shifted and things i believed i'm looking for are alot more different than i used to see.
remember, once you've decided, just look ahead and stay focused like you've always been. don't bother whoever tells you what and do what you should do.
whatever it is, don't stop believing in yourself in things you want to do and achieve. you have my sincerest blessings and very much want to know you've found happiness.
of coz', take my words with a pinch of salt. :)
i love you, and i always will.... :)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
procrastinate
i had this huge urge to shop. even online shopping doesn't curb those urges anymore. i brought along Mei, my partner-in-crime, to go shopping with me yesterday. And it never felt better!
i had my objective to shop okay?? i need to get a new pair of working pants, before the current ones start to tear apart. considering that i'm wearing them every single week, anytime it would give way and i'll short of one bottom to wear. and i don't have a habit to wear the same pants/skirt twice. so quit the idea of getting me to wear unwashed clothes.
i ended up buying 2 singlets from Zara, 2 tops from Forever 21, but no bottoms. i think i'll go down town one day to get the white pants from Zara. guess that's the best i've seen around.
and of coz', i finally quit procrastinating and bought a bag from Agnes B.! that cost me some 300 bucks. i still bought it despite it being the last piece. Heng! anyway, the handle on my Charles & Keith bag is like going to snap anytime. just that i didn't have the heart to put my money down to buy a bag that cost so much. so you see? i buy things for a reason hor~!
and i guess it's common for me to procrastinate alot, in life too.... oh well.
i had my objective to shop okay?? i need to get a new pair of working pants, before the current ones start to tear apart. considering that i'm wearing them every single week, anytime it would give way and i'll short of one bottom to wear. and i don't have a habit to wear the same pants/skirt twice. so quit the idea of getting me to wear unwashed clothes.
i ended up buying 2 singlets from Zara, 2 tops from Forever 21, but no bottoms. i think i'll go down town one day to get the white pants from Zara. guess that's the best i've seen around.
and of coz', i finally quit procrastinating and bought a bag from Agnes B.! that cost me some 300 bucks. i still bought it despite it being the last piece. Heng! anyway, the handle on my Charles & Keith bag is like going to snap anytime. just that i didn't have the heart to put my money down to buy a bag that cost so much. so you see? i buy things for a reason hor~!
and i guess it's common for me to procrastinate alot, in life too.... oh well.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
you left me speechless.
returning Eeyore was fine, but you plucked out the chipmunks and returned it to me. it was simply put it as, "i have no use for it...". wonderful.
for your information, that pair of chipmunks was a GIFT. you returned MY GIFT to me.
yet, you kept Ashley's.
next, i'll make sure that's the last i'll ever hear from you.
Goodbye.
returning Eeyore was fine, but you plucked out the chipmunks and returned it to me. it was simply put it as, "i have no use for it...". wonderful.
for your information, that pair of chipmunks was a GIFT. you returned MY GIFT to me.
yet, you kept Ashley's.
next, i'll make sure that's the last i'll ever hear from you.
Goodbye.
it has been a long while...
i've been happy. not too happy with the serious hangover the next day, but i'm actually glad.
finally, i've waited the week to end. i already had my thoughts set to drop by my neighborhood's DVD shop and rent some good movies to chill over the weekends. imagine, nuahing at home, spending quality time with myself. on top of that, i've a good book which i'm taking my time to finish it.
however, my 2 good gfs came up with better idea to spend a Friday night. i'm so glad they've called just in time before i had to rush to catch the company bus home. they've suggested a last minute chill out session.
a bottle of wine, some food and we sat there and chatted. i didn't know what gotten into Hua that she suddenly blurted, "shall we go clubbing tonight?" and the next thing we know, we all went home to change into our "proper gears" and met at Boilers. hahaha.... that so brought us back to good old times when we're barely 20, 3 of us would scoot off to Devil's Bar, right after our gym, after work. lugging our gym gears, dashing to the entrance of the bar when it was about 9pm to get our free entrance.
Hua left early this time, coz' Justin got drunk. so happened he was at Powerhouse, that was just next door. so Mei and i were shaking our booties, and i wanted to shake off any doldrums in me. i had too much, without knowing. it had been some time since i drank, and i couldn't really track my limits.
i was so glad i managed to make it home. the driver was speeding, or i thought he was. my head was spinning so badly, i wanted to puke. i didnt know how long it took but i managed to grab the change from the driver, and quickly got out of the cab. i hid somewhere behind the pillar and puked my guts out. at that point in time, i regretted so much that i gotten myself into such state.
best part was, when i got home, i realized my period just came. barely sober to clean myself and made sure i was protected, i fell asleep almost immediately when i changed into my sleeping clothes.
i didn't know why i woke up around 10am in the morning, my head was spinning. i went to puke again. and for the rest of the day, that awful feeling stayed on. i even had difficulty trying to bath. after that bath, i felt abit better. finally, i took some paracetamol and went to catch some sleep at late afternoon. maybe it's the Chivas.... it seemed alright with Vodka though... :P
i'm glad i was feeling alright this morning. woke up as early as 10am again. this time, i was alot fresher. decided not to sleep in, i woke up and headed to Mac to get some hearty breakfast of Sausage McGriddles with Egg, hashbrown and a cold Milo. shiok! never felt better...
and just when i was reading my book, my mum called. thinking that she needed some favor from me again, instead, i ended up chatting with her for more than 2 hours. the usual family gossips and the updates of our dogs, got us laughing and cheery.
guess what? i never talked to my mum liddat before. and it gave me this warm fuzzy feeling. i somehow recalled the same scenario where my mum used to chat with my granny on the phone.
i never knew my mum and i could chat. or perhaps i've reached a certain stage in life where my rebellious streak was something so in the past and now what matters most was my mum well taken care of. i hated it when i know my brothers treated her so shabbily, considering they're her favorites. of coz', once in a while she'll poke her nose into my life, but i'll shunned her off the way i always do. i guessed she got the hint to back off coz' i knew how to handle things myself. i believed, having me as a daughter is really not easy, considering i'm so hardheaded and fiercely independent.
like i've said, i'm happy. really happy. even though life can be such a bore when there's no one by my side, but for once, i think everything's going fine for me. this is what i want, for a long time after what had happened 6 months ago. soon enough, i'll be heading for the gym again. :D
and this is really what i call, being happily single.
finally, i've waited the week to end. i already had my thoughts set to drop by my neighborhood's DVD shop and rent some good movies to chill over the weekends. imagine, nuahing at home, spending quality time with myself. on top of that, i've a good book which i'm taking my time to finish it.
however, my 2 good gfs came up with better idea to spend a Friday night. i'm so glad they've called just in time before i had to rush to catch the company bus home. they've suggested a last minute chill out session.
a bottle of wine, some food and we sat there and chatted. i didn't know what gotten into Hua that she suddenly blurted, "shall we go clubbing tonight?" and the next thing we know, we all went home to change into our "proper gears" and met at Boilers. hahaha.... that so brought us back to good old times when we're barely 20, 3 of us would scoot off to Devil's Bar, right after our gym, after work. lugging our gym gears, dashing to the entrance of the bar when it was about 9pm to get our free entrance.
Hua left early this time, coz' Justin got drunk. so happened he was at Powerhouse, that was just next door. so Mei and i were shaking our booties, and i wanted to shake off any doldrums in me. i had too much, without knowing. it had been some time since i drank, and i couldn't really track my limits.
i was so glad i managed to make it home. the driver was speeding, or i thought he was. my head was spinning so badly, i wanted to puke. i didnt know how long it took but i managed to grab the change from the driver, and quickly got out of the cab. i hid somewhere behind the pillar and puked my guts out. at that point in time, i regretted so much that i gotten myself into such state.
best part was, when i got home, i realized my period just came. barely sober to clean myself and made sure i was protected, i fell asleep almost immediately when i changed into my sleeping clothes.
i didn't know why i woke up around 10am in the morning, my head was spinning. i went to puke again. and for the rest of the day, that awful feeling stayed on. i even had difficulty trying to bath. after that bath, i felt abit better. finally, i took some paracetamol and went to catch some sleep at late afternoon. maybe it's the Chivas.... it seemed alright with Vodka though... :P
i'm glad i was feeling alright this morning. woke up as early as 10am again. this time, i was alot fresher. decided not to sleep in, i woke up and headed to Mac to get some hearty breakfast of Sausage McGriddles with Egg, hashbrown and a cold Milo. shiok! never felt better...
and just when i was reading my book, my mum called. thinking that she needed some favor from me again, instead, i ended up chatting with her for more than 2 hours. the usual family gossips and the updates of our dogs, got us laughing and cheery.
guess what? i never talked to my mum liddat before. and it gave me this warm fuzzy feeling. i somehow recalled the same scenario where my mum used to chat with my granny on the phone.
i never knew my mum and i could chat. or perhaps i've reached a certain stage in life where my rebellious streak was something so in the past and now what matters most was my mum well taken care of. i hated it when i know my brothers treated her so shabbily, considering they're her favorites. of coz', once in a while she'll poke her nose into my life, but i'll shunned her off the way i always do. i guessed she got the hint to back off coz' i knew how to handle things myself. i believed, having me as a daughter is really not easy, considering i'm so hardheaded and fiercely independent.
like i've said, i'm happy. really happy. even though life can be such a bore when there's no one by my side, but for once, i think everything's going fine for me. this is what i want, for a long time after what had happened 6 months ago. soon enough, i'll be heading for the gym again. :D
and this is really what i call, being happily single.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
To: You
finally, you've decided to take flight. you have been persistent, much to my surprise. i don't know how persistent you would be till... guess everyone has their patience. i understand.
not as if i didn't consider you, but just that there's always something holding me back. enjoyed your company all these while, and i'm happy to leave it as it has been. just that, i'm sorry i can't grant you what you wanted.
your analogy about my weekends' available was spot on. i didnt want to tell you much, neither do i want you to know anything. coz' i just liked the way we were.
it is your decision and i respect that. perhaps that is actually the best for you, like what i told you many times before. i won't start pointing fingers or anything like that. i'll clear my balance with you, and it should draw the lines clear enough. hope there'll be no hard feelings.... i know i won't.
thanks for being there. thank you. :)
finally, you've decided to take flight. you have been persistent, much to my surprise. i don't know how persistent you would be till... guess everyone has their patience. i understand.
not as if i didn't consider you, but just that there's always something holding me back. enjoyed your company all these while, and i'm happy to leave it as it has been. just that, i'm sorry i can't grant you what you wanted.
your analogy about my weekends' available was spot on. i didnt want to tell you much, neither do i want you to know anything. coz' i just liked the way we were.
it is your decision and i respect that. perhaps that is actually the best for you, like what i told you many times before. i won't start pointing fingers or anything like that. i'll clear my balance with you, and it should draw the lines clear enough. hope there'll be no hard feelings.... i know i won't.
thanks for being there. thank you. :)
Friday, May 29, 2009
tired
have been a really shag-out month. i think it's no joke that i clocked 28 hours of OT for this month! 8 hours a day, and 28 hours is actually equivalent to, erm, additional 4 more working days? so instead of the usual 20 or 22 working days, i'm working almost up to 26 days a month! wah... really really tired eh. it has come to the extend where i don't even want to step out of my house over the weekends. i only wanted to sleep in....
anyway, my department is undergoing some major restructuring. since my team is considered under Marketing, yes, my team would change abit; mostly on the Directors and Managers though. i'm really grateful that my Boss would still remain. however, i may not be reporting to her directly.
now the thing is, during this transition, i opted to change abit of my job scope. basically whatever i'm doing would still remain, and i didnt take up additional responsibility, but the things i'll be handling would have more challenge.
then again, the whole restructuring may not be very pleasant for at least till mid next year. this is because we're trapped in this scenario:
my new reporting boss is ET and she will be reporting to my current Boss, AL. ET is heavily pregnant with twins and will be going on her maternity leave at the end of June, and will be extending her leave till Dec. so she would only be back onboard Jan next year. my team has initially 4 people, including ET and AL, and only 3 of us would be doing the groundwork. so when ET goes on leave for a wholesome 6 months, her workload would have to be split among another colleague and me.
the best part is, AL is pregnant too!
now she's in her 1st trimester, and due to her weak health, it took her great length to finally get pregnant. so all of us are trying to give her lesser stress. however, when ET is not around, her workload would have to split among me and another colleague named Lee. we're trying to pull another person in to help but she has very little knowledge of the work we're doing. hence, that's where Lee and I would have to handle most of the work on top of our own responsibilities.
and it is about time for ET to be back from her leave, it would be also about time for AL to go on HER maternity leave!
gawd....
with the workload, lack of manpower, i still have 12 more days of leave to clear. how? i don't even know how i'm going to take leave... well, not as if i got any plans yet. but there're no guarantee that i can bring forward my outstandings.
i'm mentality prepared of the new challenge i'm soon to take up. however, ET's maternity leave would make my current job even more challenging. imagine having to juggle someone else's work for the next 6 months, i'm not sure whether i can tahan. and in addition, ET is not participating in any part of the handover coz' she won't be in for the next 6 months. so when she's back next year, we won't handover to her immediately too...
it seems like this whole "ordeal" would only end when AL is back from her maternity leave... and that's most likely in May 2010.
maybe by that time, i'll asked for a pay raise, AND a deserving promotion.
and i didn't managed to clear my last module. i don't know if it's wise for me to enrol next semester, when ET would have gone for her maternaty leave. even though it's only 1 module, but i'm wondering if i should just concentrate on work till things get better....
anyway, my department is undergoing some major restructuring. since my team is considered under Marketing, yes, my team would change abit; mostly on the Directors and Managers though. i'm really grateful that my Boss would still remain. however, i may not be reporting to her directly.
now the thing is, during this transition, i opted to change abit of my job scope. basically whatever i'm doing would still remain, and i didnt take up additional responsibility, but the things i'll be handling would have more challenge.
then again, the whole restructuring may not be very pleasant for at least till mid next year. this is because we're trapped in this scenario:
my new reporting boss is ET and she will be reporting to my current Boss, AL. ET is heavily pregnant with twins and will be going on her maternity leave at the end of June, and will be extending her leave till Dec. so she would only be back onboard Jan next year. my team has initially 4 people, including ET and AL, and only 3 of us would be doing the groundwork. so when ET goes on leave for a wholesome 6 months, her workload would have to be split among another colleague and me.
the best part is, AL is pregnant too!
now she's in her 1st trimester, and due to her weak health, it took her great length to finally get pregnant. so all of us are trying to give her lesser stress. however, when ET is not around, her workload would have to split among me and another colleague named Lee. we're trying to pull another person in to help but she has very little knowledge of the work we're doing. hence, that's where Lee and I would have to handle most of the work on top of our own responsibilities.
and it is about time for ET to be back from her leave, it would be also about time for AL to go on HER maternity leave!
gawd....
with the workload, lack of manpower, i still have 12 more days of leave to clear. how? i don't even know how i'm going to take leave... well, not as if i got any plans yet. but there're no guarantee that i can bring forward my outstandings.
i'm mentality prepared of the new challenge i'm soon to take up. however, ET's maternity leave would make my current job even more challenging. imagine having to juggle someone else's work for the next 6 months, i'm not sure whether i can tahan. and in addition, ET is not participating in any part of the handover coz' she won't be in for the next 6 months. so when she's back next year, we won't handover to her immediately too...
it seems like this whole "ordeal" would only end when AL is back from her maternity leave... and that's most likely in May 2010.
maybe by that time, i'll asked for a pay raise, AND a deserving promotion.
and i didn't managed to clear my last module. i don't know if it's wise for me to enrol next semester, when ET would have gone for her maternaty leave. even though it's only 1 module, but i'm wondering if i should just concentrate on work till things get better....
Saturday, May 16, 2009
updates
nothing much to do on a Sat weekend, so trying to spend some quality time for myself. so i uploaded the pics to my Lappie, and here goes... not in any order:
Fuji would not have appreciated the bed. he would prefer my bed than beds like that. however, Scrabbie is more accommodating. easy to please, i believe. haa... or perhaps, Scrabbie felt this would be a luxurious for him, compared to the pillow he used to rest on.
Scrabbles got a scratch on his cheek and near his left eye, Fuji had his gum bleeding. finally both of them were hiding their tails when i called out to them to wash their wound. after that, they sat at different corners of the house, licking their wounded pride. hahaha... i guess it'll take a while more to be REAL friends.
and lastly, my new refurbished room!!!
i didn't engaged any help to move my furnitures; proudly done by yours truly. not easy, but it is definitely satisfying.
changed the table to something smaller to give my room more walking space, the foldable table where my Lappie is sitting right now, and most importantly, The Bean Bag! imagine me in the 1st picture, exactly where i am when i'm typing this post. of coz', when i'm done, i keep my Beanie and table to one corner.
loving my room more and more... woot! getting cosier...
anyway, i'll be changing the window shades to new blinds. the shades are pretty filthy already, and i can't wash it. so i bought new blinds when i was at Ikea that time.
okay, that's more or less it. trying to find a good time to see if i can get an aircon. the weather has been kind to me somehow coz' i can still sleep just with a fan. i'm still pushing my tolerance level. and when the time comes where my trusty fan is insufficient, i'll grab my credit card and get an aircon fixed for real.
i bought a new bed for Scrabbles when i went to Ikea to do some window shopping... i believe he's very happy with it, coz' i took this picture on the day i bought it home...
went out with Tim to Suntec for some chill-out session 2 weeks ago... then we went to the arcade and ended up catching these!! hahaha... i caught those 2 on the left, and he managed to catch the last one on the right. it's can really rewarding, especially when you see the clamps held on to your prize tight enough and release it to you through the gutter.
i gave my Stitch to Tim to put in his car. after all, the Mickey Mouse is somewhat "out of place". right now, Mickey is sitting happily on my new bed frame. :D
On last Sat, i went out with my family to have some Mother's Day dinner. didn't buy her anything this year coz' i really not know what to get her. so i guess i'll wait till her next bday, then get her something. :P
anyway, i brought Scrabbles to meet Fuji! this was the scene where both of them got dead tired after lots of playing. otherwise, you think they'll rest next to each other like that? dream on! hahahaha....
don't know what triggered them; not too long after i took this picture, they fought. i was watching TV and they were fighting on my feet. i managed to pull them apart and both kena whacking from me.
Scrabbles got a scratch on his cheek and near his left eye, Fuji had his gum bleeding. finally both of them were hiding their tails when i called out to them to wash their wound. after that, they sat at different corners of the house, licking their wounded pride. hahaha... i guess it'll take a while more to be REAL friends.
and lastly, my new refurbished room!!!
i didn't engaged any help to move my furnitures; proudly done by yours truly. not easy, but it is definitely satisfying.
changed the table to something smaller to give my room more walking space, the foldable table where my Lappie is sitting right now, and most importantly, The Bean Bag! imagine me in the 1st picture, exactly where i am when i'm typing this post. of coz', when i'm done, i keep my Beanie and table to one corner.
loving my room more and more... woot! getting cosier...
anyway, i'll be changing the window shades to new blinds. the shades are pretty filthy already, and i can't wash it. so i bought new blinds when i was at Ikea that time.
okay, that's more or less it. trying to find a good time to see if i can get an aircon. the weather has been kind to me somehow coz' i can still sleep just with a fan. i'm still pushing my tolerance level. and when the time comes where my trusty fan is insufficient, i'll grab my credit card and get an aircon fixed for real.
Monday, May 11, 2009
ever since so much hoo-haa for some mundane blog post from me, i can't help feeling abit wary about posting my thoughts. i'll never know what would have offended anyone out there. oh well, luckily i don't depend on this blog entirely, otherwise i would've prolly find myself in a spot where i have no other channels for me to say my thoughts.
i'm right now in my dumps. a few of you would prolly know coz' i've shared with you when you've asked. still coping, finding my way around. just perhaps i haven't given up...
-----
anyways, i've did some serious shopping spree and ended up spending quite alot this month. gonna face the music, mainly myself, when the bills screamed at my face. basically, i did some refurbishing of my room! happy happy!
i bought a new bed frame for easier cleaning, a new dressing table (but more of just a simple and smaller table top with no mirror or drawers), a DIY bean bag, and a small foldable table for my lappie. so at this very moment, i'm plopped comfortably on my bean bag and my lappie is resting on the foldable table, happily typing away. HEE! and of coz, i did some major shifting in my room to give more space for the bean bag. now, i lack of an aircon installed and a full length mirror which i intend to plant it behind the doors of my wardrobe, and TA-DA! my long loooong awaited little heaven, found in this puny 3-room apartment.
when my room is all done up, i'll post some pictures...
till then, no more public hols to look forward to, so just hang in there yar? LOL...
i'm right now in my dumps. a few of you would prolly know coz' i've shared with you when you've asked. still coping, finding my way around. just perhaps i haven't given up...
-----
anyways, i've did some serious shopping spree and ended up spending quite alot this month. gonna face the music, mainly myself, when the bills screamed at my face. basically, i did some refurbishing of my room! happy happy!
i bought a new bed frame for easier cleaning, a new dressing table (but more of just a simple and smaller table top with no mirror or drawers), a DIY bean bag, and a small foldable table for my lappie. so at this very moment, i'm plopped comfortably on my bean bag and my lappie is resting on the foldable table, happily typing away. HEE! and of coz, i did some major shifting in my room to give more space for the bean bag. now, i lack of an aircon installed and a full length mirror which i intend to plant it behind the doors of my wardrobe, and TA-DA! my long loooong awaited little heaven, found in this puny 3-room apartment.
when my room is all done up, i'll post some pictures...
till then, no more public hols to look forward to, so just hang in there yar? LOL...
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
tsk tsk tsk
somebody, nobody, passerby.... WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! what a name! hahahahahahaha!!! some really laughable trios...
aiyo, think i really bother about what YM's friends think about me ah? wake up your idea la! hahahahahaha.... this is madness man! hahahaha....
whoever you are, thanks for putting a huge smile on my face. you 3 just made my day... hahaha....
YM, i believe these are some of your friends who prolly dare not to tell the world who they are. maybe you know who they'll be. be grateful to them coz' they're really nice people who would stay by your side. :) no puns intended.
however, they're maybe still stuck in the gangster's realm of 古伙仔 and most likely super 讲义气. *rolled eyes* so if you tell them you want your revenge, i think they'll be at my doorstep ready to splash keroscene and set fire on me lor! hahahahahahaha....!! this is like hilarious la! what kind of friends they are, i trust your judgement. :D
then again, i do hope those 3 are among your reliable friends who can give SOUND advice when you need help. if not, i think don't waste so much time on them... hehehehe....
aiyo, think i really bother about what YM's friends think about me ah? wake up your idea la! hahahahahaha.... this is madness man! hahahaha....
whoever you are, thanks for putting a huge smile on my face. you 3 just made my day... hahaha....
YM, i believe these are some of your friends who prolly dare not to tell the world who they are. maybe you know who they'll be. be grateful to them coz' they're really nice people who would stay by your side. :) no puns intended.
however, they're maybe still stuck in the gangster's realm of 古伙仔 and most likely super 讲义气. *rolled eyes* so if you tell them you want your revenge, i think they'll be at my doorstep ready to splash keroscene and set fire on me lor! hahahahahahaha....!! this is like hilarious la! what kind of friends they are, i trust your judgement. :D
then again, i do hope those 3 are among your reliable friends who can give SOUND advice when you need help. if not, i think don't waste so much time on them... hehehehe....
Thursday, April 30, 2009
this is getting interesting. i didn't expect there would be so much comments and objections over what i said. one by one wanted to come talk to me, and explain things. hmmm...
let me see: you guys gets overly emotional to something which you think it was and then come shooting at me for some valid reasons, and now it seemed like i shouldn't have rebutted nor protected myself? is that the way how it works? and i'm supposed to know very clearly where you're coming from and what your intentions are? and now its seemed like i've wrongly accused everyone?? hmm... let's just put it this way: I DON'T SNAP FOR NOTHING. now you know how it feels to be wrongly accused huh? perhaps it's time to think in my shoes too... if you think i'm quick to snap, don't you think you're too quick to judge too? :)
if you think whatever i've done is uncalled for, have you ever ponder about your actions? out of the blue, tagged something not too pleasant and ambiguous, yet i'm supposed to just sit there do nothing? hmmm... weird thinking.
i dare declare that i've always been mutual to all of you. there're no biased judgements, i've never been fake about my friendship to any of you. however, it seemed like whatever i could give was just thrown back in my face! how good do you think that feels? now i just merely did the same thing, and you people just can't take it? this is prolly one to all - consider the impact from all to one.
what Ker Ker said isn't entirely wrong: why would friends even move away? isn't it that if friends move away, they're not even considered as friends to begin with? that would be as good as, acquaintances? no?
at the end of the day, i wanted you guys to know where you really are and just stay where you are. when you shouldn't cross the line, just don't. even YM is lying low, i don't see why his friends are not catching the hint. he, after all, should know who i really am.
whether or not, there're still friendship between us and you guys, well, time will eventually tell. not as if it mattered to me now... this thing is like one of the many things i have in my head to bother.
angry? perhaps... i don't like to be wrongly accused. but individually? no, not really. if you read my words carefully, i shoot at everyone and not just individually. basically, i'm not really pointing fingers at any of you specifically. i said things like, "you guys", "all of you"... and not you you you.... geddit??? kaoz!
whether any of you has good intentions or not, it's time to just back off, at least for a while. don't come and try make things better or worse. perhaps, just be abit more careful with words and filter them through your brain before tagging. also, don't expect me to be the same wavelength as any of you when you choose to tag. i'm alright to leave things as it is now, coz' we all get over it. even if things are now in the wrong foot, so what? my time doesn't stop here....
get over it people. i don't expect any sequel from here...
let me see: you guys gets overly emotional to something which you think it was and then come shooting at me for some valid reasons, and now it seemed like i shouldn't have rebutted nor protected myself? is that the way how it works? and i'm supposed to know very clearly where you're coming from and what your intentions are? and now its seemed like i've wrongly accused everyone?? hmm... let's just put it this way: I DON'T SNAP FOR NOTHING. now you know how it feels to be wrongly accused huh? perhaps it's time to think in my shoes too... if you think i'm quick to snap, don't you think you're too quick to judge too? :)
if you think whatever i've done is uncalled for, have you ever ponder about your actions? out of the blue, tagged something not too pleasant and ambiguous, yet i'm supposed to just sit there do nothing? hmmm... weird thinking.
i dare declare that i've always been mutual to all of you. there're no biased judgements, i've never been fake about my friendship to any of you. however, it seemed like whatever i could give was just thrown back in my face! how good do you think that feels? now i just merely did the same thing, and you people just can't take it? this is prolly one to all - consider the impact from all to one.
what Ker Ker said isn't entirely wrong: why would friends even move away? isn't it that if friends move away, they're not even considered as friends to begin with? that would be as good as, acquaintances? no?
at the end of the day, i wanted you guys to know where you really are and just stay where you are. when you shouldn't cross the line, just don't. even YM is lying low, i don't see why his friends are not catching the hint. he, after all, should know who i really am.
whether or not, there're still friendship between us and you guys, well, time will eventually tell. not as if it mattered to me now... this thing is like one of the many things i have in my head to bother.
angry? perhaps... i don't like to be wrongly accused. but individually? no, not really. if you read my words carefully, i shoot at everyone and not just individually. basically, i'm not really pointing fingers at any of you specifically. i said things like, "you guys", "all of you"... and not you you you.... geddit??? kaoz!
whether any of you has good intentions or not, it's time to just back off, at least for a while. don't come and try make things better or worse. perhaps, just be abit more careful with words and filter them through your brain before tagging. also, don't expect me to be the same wavelength as any of you when you choose to tag. i'm alright to leave things as it is now, coz' we all get over it. even if things are now in the wrong foot, so what? my time doesn't stop here....
get over it people. i don't expect any sequel from here...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
interesting comments
well, i'm still surprised that YM's friends are still hanging around my blog. thought they would have scattered elsewhere... since i'm feeling in the mood today, i shall address each and every one of them. :)
fionna: i've kind of expected that friends connected with YM would do such things, like moving away since i'm no longer with any connection with him. kind of weird isn't it? my friends would still regard YM as their friend (even though we're not an item anymore) whereas his friends don't behave this way.... worth wondering doesn't it? even if any one of my friends would to see YM on the street, they would prolly give a worthy hi-bye rather than looking through him as if he doesn't exist.
jacob: there's nothing for me to bullshit to any of you. it's either you accept whatever i say, or you just don't. when you don't, you can say that i'm lying, i'm bullshiting, i'm whatever. i don't have to convince you, do i? in fact, you people are the last ones on earth that i need to explain myself to. before pointing the finger at me, perhaps, take a GOOD look at the number of fingers pointing at yourself. i'm scary? i think you're much worse. one moment we're like good buddies, and the next, your back is turned. i thought friends should have mutual respect with each other. do you need to check up the dictionary what does MUTUAL really means? and something i've learnt about the difference between my girlfriends and the rest of you: they understood the REAL meaning of MUTUAL. at least i didnt make the effort to shame you; you did. on the contrary, i have always been grateful to you. whether or not you believe, to you, i have live up to my conscience. regret knowing me or not, it pretty much up to you. come to think about it, your reaction is something laughable.
jasmine: real friends DON'T QUIT! not that i take things for granted, but friends who eventually stick around are my REAL friends. anyone else, prolly the rest of you are fair-weathered, acquaintances per se, someone whom would see right through me on the streets one fine day and pretended i never existed. apparently that to me, it's seriously alright. the rest of you are not even worth a bat of my eyelids, perhaps other than Jacob. i hardly feel the pinch. and at the end of the day, whether i'm in the wrong or not, it's not really much rest of your business.
life goes on, people. so much grievances for something not even worth your effort to tag. whatever i'm doing is not exactly very mature right now, but i don't see why i should be cowering behind my keyboard and not do anything about it. even though i don' have much right to say this, however, i think it suits all of you who commented such things: GROW UP!
whether or not i deserve whatever you guys said, it seriously NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. i don't owe anyone of you any explanations, other than my own girlfriends and YM himself. and FYI, whatever you're doing, are only putting YM in a spot. my 2 cents' worth: THINK before you do anything. make use of the brain since you're given one.
since you people are so keen to 撕破脸皮, i have no qualms to do likewise. at least i avoid being a hypocrite one day. hope that one day, none of you would still smile at me and pretend none of this happened.
mark my words.
fionna: i've kind of expected that friends connected with YM would do such things, like moving away since i'm no longer with any connection with him. kind of weird isn't it? my friends would still regard YM as their friend (even though we're not an item anymore) whereas his friends don't behave this way.... worth wondering doesn't it? even if any one of my friends would to see YM on the street, they would prolly give a worthy hi-bye rather than looking through him as if he doesn't exist.
jacob: there's nothing for me to bullshit to any of you. it's either you accept whatever i say, or you just don't. when you don't, you can say that i'm lying, i'm bullshiting, i'm whatever. i don't have to convince you, do i? in fact, you people are the last ones on earth that i need to explain myself to. before pointing the finger at me, perhaps, take a GOOD look at the number of fingers pointing at yourself. i'm scary? i think you're much worse. one moment we're like good buddies, and the next, your back is turned. i thought friends should have mutual respect with each other. do you need to check up the dictionary what does MUTUAL really means? and something i've learnt about the difference between my girlfriends and the rest of you: they understood the REAL meaning of MUTUAL. at least i didnt make the effort to shame you; you did. on the contrary, i have always been grateful to you. whether or not you believe, to you, i have live up to my conscience. regret knowing me or not, it pretty much up to you. come to think about it, your reaction is something laughable.
jasmine: real friends DON'T QUIT! not that i take things for granted, but friends who eventually stick around are my REAL friends. anyone else, prolly the rest of you are fair-weathered, acquaintances per se, someone whom would see right through me on the streets one fine day and pretended i never existed. apparently that to me, it's seriously alright. the rest of you are not even worth a bat of my eyelids, perhaps other than Jacob. i hardly feel the pinch. and at the end of the day, whether i'm in the wrong or not, it's not really much rest of your business.
life goes on, people. so much grievances for something not even worth your effort to tag. whatever i'm doing is not exactly very mature right now, but i don't see why i should be cowering behind my keyboard and not do anything about it. even though i don' have much right to say this, however, i think it suits all of you who commented such things: GROW UP!
whether or not i deserve whatever you guys said, it seriously NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. i don't owe anyone of you any explanations, other than my own girlfriends and YM himself. and FYI, whatever you're doing, are only putting YM in a spot. my 2 cents' worth: THINK before you do anything. make use of the brain since you're given one.
since you people are so keen to 撕破脸皮, i have no qualms to do likewise. at least i avoid being a hypocrite one day. hope that one day, none of you would still smile at me and pretend none of this happened.
mark my words.
Monday, April 13, 2009
banquet... finally settled
i never forget how YM told me over the phone, that the banquet was such a pain in the ass. he had so much frustrations and angst over it. i don't blame him. i'm ashamed. in fact, he's right - what i've done to help him get out of this sticky situation? worse, he's so right that the mess i've made, he is made to clean up after me. he didn't deserve all these... and yet, at the end of the day, he still wanted to be with me. i don't know what he's thinking... dumb of him isn't it? well, he's a rare gem.
i was sharing with some people about my backup decision to loan that 15k from the bank if he can't rid the banquet in time. most of them told me it can be negotiated, and they advised me to think about it. seriously, i don't know how to go about getting this done... i'm not an expert in all areas.
this thing has been lingering in my mind. lost my appetite over this coz' 15k is not a small sum. i've an existing study loan to clear, and i can't take up another loan like that. of coz', if need be, i would do that. after all, it seemed only right to be paying off my "debt" owe to YM. and uncannily, today i've received a call from the restaurant. it's the banquet manager.
she was following up with my pending status for the banquet. and i told her that the banquet was off, she just confirmed that i would be forfeiting the deposit. at that point in time, i wanted to ask YM if this arrangement would be the best. but i decided to make the decision on the spot to cancel it, forfeit the deposit and get over it. i felt it was the least i could do for YM. she didn't sounded hostile at all. i'm really grateful.
for that moment i hung up, i felt a huge load of my chest. finally, we're freed.
of coz', to some of you, you prolly think that it's just something simple. oh well, at least it saved anymore trouble i've gotten YM to put through.
as for the deposit, i know, righteous friends out there would feel unfair for YM that it was his money which was forfeited. yes, i'm aware. i'm not saying i won't pay him back - half of the deposit. it's not alot of money but i'm cash strapped. no matter what, i'll try to pay him back. otherwise, i'll cash advance from my credit card to return him his well-deserved share.
sometimes, it seemed that people has this mentality that i didn't fork out my share of the wedding... annoying, actually. well, perceptions need not to be set right. i don't bother anymore...
i know i can do more to make it up to YM. other than cash, i don't know what else i can do...
sad isn't it? at the end of the day when everything's over, it's all about money.
even divorce is the same... money.
i was sharing with some people about my backup decision to loan that 15k from the bank if he can't rid the banquet in time. most of them told me it can be negotiated, and they advised me to think about it. seriously, i don't know how to go about getting this done... i'm not an expert in all areas.
this thing has been lingering in my mind. lost my appetite over this coz' 15k is not a small sum. i've an existing study loan to clear, and i can't take up another loan like that. of coz', if need be, i would do that. after all, it seemed only right to be paying off my "debt" owe to YM. and uncannily, today i've received a call from the restaurant. it's the banquet manager.
she was following up with my pending status for the banquet. and i told her that the banquet was off, she just confirmed that i would be forfeiting the deposit. at that point in time, i wanted to ask YM if this arrangement would be the best. but i decided to make the decision on the spot to cancel it, forfeit the deposit and get over it. i felt it was the least i could do for YM. she didn't sounded hostile at all. i'm really grateful.
for that moment i hung up, i felt a huge load of my chest. finally, we're freed.
of coz', to some of you, you prolly think that it's just something simple. oh well, at least it saved anymore trouble i've gotten YM to put through.
as for the deposit, i know, righteous friends out there would feel unfair for YM that it was his money which was forfeited. yes, i'm aware. i'm not saying i won't pay him back - half of the deposit. it's not alot of money but i'm cash strapped. no matter what, i'll try to pay him back. otherwise, i'll cash advance from my credit card to return him his well-deserved share.
sometimes, it seemed that people has this mentality that i didn't fork out my share of the wedding... annoying, actually. well, perceptions need not to be set right. i don't bother anymore...
i know i can do more to make it up to YM. other than cash, i don't know what else i can do...
sad isn't it? at the end of the day when everything's over, it's all about money.
even divorce is the same... money.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
moving forward
finally, i've decided to put my foot down and moved on. apparently, not everyone is very encouraging. of coz', ultimately is my decision. however, they need not respect that as they felt i should've waited longer....
longer? hmm... i'm wondering how long more. i believe all should know waiting (alone) is no fun...
perhaps, they're right that if i've waited just a tad bit longer, YM could've come on the right time. but i don't know what was going on. all along, i only knew i'm subconciously waiting and waiting, yet don't know what would be the outcome. sorry, i just didn't know. and all i felt was sad when he suddenly came.
i guess nobody would really know how i felt deep down, the dilemma i felt. after all, it deemed to be so easy that all i had to say was to move on, and let go of what had been built before. seriously, talk is cheap isn't it? who is the person who had to go through the emotional struggle? me (and him). saying to move on is like snapping of my fingers? stop being so naive... i'm a thinker. i think of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. what made it seemed as if i didn't think before i made my decision? if i don't think before that, i wouldn't have been so adamant about what i set my foot down. YM knows that about me...
it's almost effortless to tell me to back out since it's only a "couple of days". let's just say it took me alot of courage and effort to come to this decision, and even if it's a couple of days, i don't think i want to go through all that again.
i'm not expecting anyone to understand. and i believe some people will slowly move away from me... it's sad really. coz' it does show they're not really been objective. after all, i thought it would be best for them not to take sides and look at things at an objective standpoint, and not who they should pity more. i don't blame them. after all, YM is at the shorter end of the deal. i know, i wont get their blessings. perhaps, at the end of the day, they should know they shouldn't get too emotionally involved.
take it as i'm selfish, and i'm all for myself and nothing but myself. i'll leave it if people would think i'm heartless or impulsive or a slut. well, i live for myself now... if i don't take care of myself, who would? life goes on, doesn't it? even if i get misunderstood for the rest of my life, so be it. i don't think i need to redeem myself... i think it gonna tough but i do believe that ultimately people who respect and understands me would still hang around...
nevertheless, i would still want to thank Jacob, for helping out ever so readily. if it weren't for him, i guess YM would have been nothing and the assistance he rendered me was commendable. i sense his disappointment when he learnt about it, and i prolly not hear from him again. oh well... *shrugs*
longer? hmm... i'm wondering how long more. i believe all should know waiting (alone) is no fun...
perhaps, they're right that if i've waited just a tad bit longer, YM could've come on the right time. but i don't know what was going on. all along, i only knew i'm subconciously waiting and waiting, yet don't know what would be the outcome. sorry, i just didn't know. and all i felt was sad when he suddenly came.
i guess nobody would really know how i felt deep down, the dilemma i felt. after all, it deemed to be so easy that all i had to say was to move on, and let go of what had been built before. seriously, talk is cheap isn't it? who is the person who had to go through the emotional struggle? me (and him). saying to move on is like snapping of my fingers? stop being so naive... i'm a thinker. i think of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. what made it seemed as if i didn't think before i made my decision? if i don't think before that, i wouldn't have been so adamant about what i set my foot down. YM knows that about me...
it's almost effortless to tell me to back out since it's only a "couple of days". let's just say it took me alot of courage and effort to come to this decision, and even if it's a couple of days, i don't think i want to go through all that again.
i'm not expecting anyone to understand. and i believe some people will slowly move away from me... it's sad really. coz' it does show they're not really been objective. after all, i thought it would be best for them not to take sides and look at things at an objective standpoint, and not who they should pity more. i don't blame them. after all, YM is at the shorter end of the deal. i know, i wont get their blessings. perhaps, at the end of the day, they should know they shouldn't get too emotionally involved.
take it as i'm selfish, and i'm all for myself and nothing but myself. i'll leave it if people would think i'm heartless or impulsive or a slut. well, i live for myself now... if i don't take care of myself, who would? life goes on, doesn't it? even if i get misunderstood for the rest of my life, so be it. i don't think i need to redeem myself... i think it gonna tough but i do believe that ultimately people who respect and understands me would still hang around...
nevertheless, i would still want to thank Jacob, for helping out ever so readily. if it weren't for him, i guess YM would have been nothing and the assistance he rendered me was commendable. i sense his disappointment when he learnt about it, and i prolly not hear from him again. oh well... *shrugs*
Sunday, April 05, 2009
things are different...
early this week, Jacob called me and asked if he could borrow my sunblock lotion. without thinking much, i agreed to lend him. we tried to arrange a time to meet, and finally settled on a Wednesday, after dinner with my department. i didnt think much of it, since he said he may be going to Sentosa over the weekends.
on Wednesday, he came by my place and waited till my colleagues gave me a ride home. i went back home and took the sunblock for him. somehow or rather, i didn't know how come he decided to tell me the truth - he's going to Tioman with YM and friends.
i don't blame him, coz' i know he did consider how i would have felt if i knew. he tried to make me feel better that they're considering to go again in Aug/Sept, and this time they'll get me to go. really, i didn't think it was necessary. put me and YM in a same room? or we're going to share a room with the others? even if sharing a room with others, put me and him on the same bed? things are not the same... people just cannot assume things are the same.
really, don't have to include me into their plans.
YM msged me that it's not the same without me around... and he missed me. i didnt reply coz' i didnt see a need to. after all, he didnt come around and tell me about this trip and prolly had the means to keep me in the dark. so i feel they should have cont'd to keep mum about this.
it has been more than a month, i didnt hear anything from him. and i think i've moved on from there already. like my bitch said, "time waits for nobody....". maybe i'm impatient, but there's nothing for me to be holding on to. i sat there, waiting... and nothing happened. not exactly very motivating. and almost all the time, Jacob has to be the middleman. he's tired, and i'm tired too. if he wants to be passive, then he can cont'd to be. i'm not pushing him to do anything, just thought whatever has to be done have to be coming from within, and not out of obligation or someone said nasty.
there're some genuine proposals out there, all put on hold. maybe it's time to look them through...
on Wednesday, he came by my place and waited till my colleagues gave me a ride home. i went back home and took the sunblock for him. somehow or rather, i didn't know how come he decided to tell me the truth - he's going to Tioman with YM and friends.
i don't blame him, coz' i know he did consider how i would have felt if i knew. he tried to make me feel better that they're considering to go again in Aug/Sept, and this time they'll get me to go. really, i didn't think it was necessary. put me and YM in a same room? or we're going to share a room with the others? even if sharing a room with others, put me and him on the same bed? things are not the same... people just cannot assume things are the same.
really, don't have to include me into their plans.
YM msged me that it's not the same without me around... and he missed me. i didnt reply coz' i didnt see a need to. after all, he didnt come around and tell me about this trip and prolly had the means to keep me in the dark. so i feel they should have cont'd to keep mum about this.
it has been more than a month, i didnt hear anything from him. and i think i've moved on from there already. like my bitch said, "time waits for nobody....". maybe i'm impatient, but there's nothing for me to be holding on to. i sat there, waiting... and nothing happened. not exactly very motivating. and almost all the time, Jacob has to be the middleman. he's tired, and i'm tired too. if he wants to be passive, then he can cont'd to be. i'm not pushing him to do anything, just thought whatever has to be done have to be coming from within, and not out of obligation or someone said nasty.
there're some genuine proposals out there, all put on hold. maybe it's time to look them through...
Sunday, March 29, 2009
still... confused
glad i've managed to catch ker ker online.... been a good long while since i've talked to him. now that my god-nephew is here, all the more i foresee the slimming chances of seeing him again. his wife needs him more than i do, after all, she needs all the support she can get. i don't want to try ask him out coz' i know Rac is at her vulnerable stage, and the last thing i want her to get some post-natal depression which is indirectly caused by me.
despite such a long time, he still managed to take words out of my mouth. sometimes i wished to know how he managed to do that... i feel so at eased, i don't have to struggle with words, and with my feelings. he somehow knew what i'm going throught... i hoped i'm as sharp as him.
at this point in time, i just don't know what i want. it's frustrating actually, coz' at the end of the day after all that dates, i come home feeling empty. you know, just scared to make any commitments that i can't keep up with. ker ker advised me to just enjoy all the attention while it lasted, coz' after all i'm still not ready. true.
it just gets kind of tired. but i believe one day, things would eventually fall into place... just a matter of time, isn't it? how long more....
despite such a long time, he still managed to take words out of my mouth. sometimes i wished to know how he managed to do that... i feel so at eased, i don't have to struggle with words, and with my feelings. he somehow knew what i'm going throught... i hoped i'm as sharp as him.
at this point in time, i just don't know what i want. it's frustrating actually, coz' at the end of the day after all that dates, i come home feeling empty. you know, just scared to make any commitments that i can't keep up with. ker ker advised me to just enjoy all the attention while it lasted, coz' after all i'm still not ready. true.
it just gets kind of tired. but i believe one day, things would eventually fall into place... just a matter of time, isn't it? how long more....
Saturday, March 14, 2009
before i begin my sappy entries, i would like to congratulate my dearest Ker Ker, who finally ended his years of dream and 9 months of anticipation to start a family! yes, it's a Boy! even though he was hoping to have a girl 1st, but hey, it's harder to get a boy than a girl. so his "soldiers" did it! hahaha... glad to know mother and child are fine, and i guess it's a whole new chapter for him.
i wanted to visit him but i don't think his wife would like to see me. the last thing i want to do now is to aggravate his wife, who should be recuperating than getting jealous seeing me.
i guess there will be lesser chance to meet up with ker ker than it already has. its abit sad to know that, but i still feel happy that things are going well for him.
hear from you soon, ker ker...
----------
i'm keeping options open. nothing would be serious, just play the field when i still can. i know not all would agree... but i guess i'll do what makes me happy. rather than breaking into sobs when i get reminded of those memories... silly isn't it? it's only a picture, and it can get me into tears. felt so pathetic.
just to let you guys know, i've been going on some dates. maybe these will help me open my eyes more, and see what's out there for me. perhaps, this will help me to realize what i want. then again, nothing much to do after work nor over the weekends, so if there's something to do to kill time, why not. what's there for me to lose?
however, my heart is still closed.
i wanted to visit him but i don't think his wife would like to see me. the last thing i want to do now is to aggravate his wife, who should be recuperating than getting jealous seeing me.
i guess there will be lesser chance to meet up with ker ker than it already has. its abit sad to know that, but i still feel happy that things are going well for him.
hear from you soon, ker ker...
----------
i'm keeping options open. nothing would be serious, just play the field when i still can. i know not all would agree... but i guess i'll do what makes me happy. rather than breaking into sobs when i get reminded of those memories... silly isn't it? it's only a picture, and it can get me into tears. felt so pathetic.
just to let you guys know, i've been going on some dates. maybe these will help me open my eyes more, and see what's out there for me. perhaps, this will help me to realize what i want. then again, nothing much to do after work nor over the weekends, so if there's something to do to kill time, why not. what's there for me to lose?
however, my heart is still closed.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
still hurts...
met up with Jo and friends last Friday. was expecting them to ask me something, however to my pleasant surprised, none was raised up. the only closest thing they came asking me was, "how are you?". glad to answer that politically correctly.
right now, things are moving on slowly for me. when i see anything pertaining to wedding, my heart aches and my mind wandered. so close to being married.... considering how thrilled i was back then. now, its just an aching memory.. sometimes i wonder, the gown still lying in YM's wardrobe, will i get to wear that again? or its another piece of cloth waiting to be sold away?
i wonder: who will be the person i'll spend the rest of my life with? suddenly, i'm not so sure anymore... my heart do still hold that answer but i'm don't know if that would ultimately prevail.
now, i'm still too blinded by my wreath.
right now, things are moving on slowly for me. when i see anything pertaining to wedding, my heart aches and my mind wandered. so close to being married.... considering how thrilled i was back then. now, its just an aching memory.. sometimes i wonder, the gown still lying in YM's wardrobe, will i get to wear that again? or its another piece of cloth waiting to be sold away?
i wonder: who will be the person i'll spend the rest of my life with? suddenly, i'm not so sure anymore... my heart do still hold that answer but i'm don't know if that would ultimately prevail.
now, i'm still too blinded by my wreath.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
一切让它结束吧
你的“不信任”已经说明了一切。再勉强也没意思，何必苦苦强求？
你的一举一动伤透了我的心，以代表你对我的不尊重。
说分手的是你，说对不起的也是你；你把我当什么了？你说的话，哪一句可以当真？我不想再去想它了。
你也不需要弥补什么，也没后悔过我们的“擦肩而过”， 只是有些遗憾，可惜。我们的缘分也只是那么薄。
心还是会痛，可是相信时间能掩盖伤痕。哭多一下下，就会停了。时间不会为我而停留，我会继续走下去。感谢你为我付出的一切，我不配。对你的感情，有缘再和你续情。
一切也只是一段有喜有忧的回忆， 永藏在心里。
那句 “我爱你”已经失去了意义。
你的一举一动伤透了我的心，以代表你对我的不尊重。
说分手的是你，说对不起的也是你；你把我当什么了？你说的话，哪一句可以当真？我不想再去想它了。
你也不需要弥补什么，也没后悔过我们的“擦肩而过”， 只是有些遗憾，可惜。我们的缘分也只是那么薄。
心还是会痛，可是相信时间能掩盖伤痕。哭多一下下，就会停了。时间不会为我而停留，我会继续走下去。感谢你为我付出的一切，我不配。对你的感情，有缘再和你续情。
一切也只是一段有喜有忧的回忆， 永藏在心里。
那句 “我爱你”已经失去了意义。
神木与瞳 - 草戒指
★ 卜超 制作
再见说在额头 原来泪也会痛
倒流心中怎麼麻醉也没用
深呼吸一分鐘 爱突然的词穷
你狠狠甩开我沉默的手彷彿就剧终
草戒指在手中 像句点的沉默
woo..明天 以后 爱变成了问候
爱不爱都痛 我以為我懂
最后你要自由
woo..忘了温柔要套在手中
到最后 该不该回头
如果我开口 爱继续往前走
woo..幸福听著分开的藉口
再见说在额头 原来泪也会痛
倒流心中怎麼麻醉也没用
深呼吸一分鐘 爱突然的词穷
你狠狠甩开我沉默的手彷彿就剧终
草戒指在手中 像句点的沉默
woo..明天 以后 爱变成了问候
爱不爱都痛 我以為我懂
最后你要自由
woo..忘了温柔要套在手中
到最后 该不该回头
如果我开口 爱继续往前走
woo..幸福听著分开的藉口
爱不爱都痛 我以為我懂
最后你要自由
woo..忘了温柔要套在手中
到最后 该不该回头
如果我开口 爱继续往前走
woo..幸福听著分开的藉口
草戒指套在谁手中
Sunday, February 15, 2009
it seems, he's not the guy...
i don't know what was our status. i treated as i'm someone without any commitments of such. i went on with my life as a singlehood, even though my heart didnt seem so. i pinned on to the day of reunion, and glad how things are slowly turning out as what i expected it to be. i thought it was brilliant.
i never told anyone how and what i plan. i had a goal in mind, and i work my way towards it. i'm like a lone ranger, doing things quietly. i don't like explaining what i intend to do, nor explain anything happened after that. apparently, not all people like it. he was one of them.
i guess, its times like this which make me realize that it's pointless to drag this on. he made the decision, and it's finally off. that slap was deserving, to both of us. it made me realize that despite how much effort i put in to avoid having to walk my parent's footsteps, i still did. the only consolation was, luckily i'm still not married.
it's creepy. considering i've almost married to someone who didnt respect his partner's privacy, exactly like my father. "lack of trust", you prolly called it. however, was that supposed to be a valid reason to void all respect? perhaps, it did. we've went through this for the 3rd time, and many more times to come? i guess it'll never drill in the fact where privacy, to me, it's strongly sacred.
my heart aches, my eyes' sore. but am i supposed to count my blessings?
i suddenly felt lost, i don't know where i shall be heading. everything's a blur right now, future is just so bleak. nobody i'm pinning to anymore. no reunions to look forward to, no happy-endings.
i guess i brought it all upon myself. too much in control... i controlled the beginnings, the process and the endings. however, then ending was much least expected. all i wanted to do was to protect the ones i love. then again, no one will see it my way.
so it'll be a unfinished chapter of my life, and it'll end that way. this will be safely kept someplace in my heart, never to be opened again.
my heart has just shut its doors.
goodbye, my love...
i never told anyone how and what i plan. i had a goal in mind, and i work my way towards it. i'm like a lone ranger, doing things quietly. i don't like explaining what i intend to do, nor explain anything happened after that. apparently, not all people like it. he was one of them.
i guess, its times like this which make me realize that it's pointless to drag this on. he made the decision, and it's finally off. that slap was deserving, to both of us. it made me realize that despite how much effort i put in to avoid having to walk my parent's footsteps, i still did. the only consolation was, luckily i'm still not married.
it's creepy. considering i've almost married to someone who didnt respect his partner's privacy, exactly like my father. "lack of trust", you prolly called it. however, was that supposed to be a valid reason to void all respect? perhaps, it did. we've went through this for the 3rd time, and many more times to come? i guess it'll never drill in the fact where privacy, to me, it's strongly sacred.
my heart aches, my eyes' sore. but am i supposed to count my blessings?
i suddenly felt lost, i don't know where i shall be heading. everything's a blur right now, future is just so bleak. nobody i'm pinning to anymore. no reunions to look forward to, no happy-endings.
i guess i brought it all upon myself. too much in control... i controlled the beginnings, the process and the endings. however, then ending was much least expected. all i wanted to do was to protect the ones i love. then again, no one will see it my way.
so it'll be a unfinished chapter of my life, and it'll end that way. this will be safely kept someplace in my heart, never to be opened again.
my heart has just shut its doors.
goodbye, my love...
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
some updates
nothing much on my end though... perhaps i was away during the CNY, and hence i don't feel much about this festive season. thought it was a good choice to be away... after all.
most of you know, i went to Bintan myself and it was a refreshing getaway. however, i'm not sure if it's because of the weather, i came back and didn't feel very well. i got some flu and cough. hmmm... oh well, my room was not too bad. even though i didn't get the seaview which i've requested, at least i'm located near the pool. a sneak pic at my room...
he can so melt my heart lar....
most of you know, i went to Bintan myself and it was a refreshing getaway. however, i'm not sure if it's because of the weather, i came back and didn't feel very well. i got some flu and cough. hmmm... oh well, my room was not too bad. even though i didn't get the seaview which i've requested, at least i'm located near the pool. a sneak pic at my room...
too bad i can't open the window, otherwise the breeze was like super shiok lor! darn... anyway, i enjoyed having to spend time with myself. :)
before i left for Bintan, of coz', the usual spring cleaning. changed my new bedsheets and my day is brighten up by the new sheets! check it out:
so bright and cheery right! hahahaha.... at least that makes my day whenever i'm home from work. so welcoming... :D
i also went to have early reunion dinner with my mum and bros. also, went to see how Fuji's doing. gawd, i missed that fella so much! and managed to take such a cute pic of him...
he can so melt my heart lar.... well, i did meet up with YM and had dinner with him and mei mei. things are still alright and i feel better now... taking baby steps and i somehow feel its beginning to work... 
i'm still happy... and that's deep down. so no worries about me alright? in fact, i like things are right now... no rush, no pressure, and just being me.
i'm still happy... and that's deep down. so no worries about me alright? in fact, i like things are right now... no rush, no pressure, and just being me.next up, i did go over to YM's place for CNY. i guess that's the only visiting i did for this year. since i was away, i didn't arrange to go follow up visiting with my relatives. had fun with his friends and all... well, that's the whole idea right? having fun!
after that gathering which ends off at Settlers that day, i went down to Powerhouse, after given my word to my company's FM that i'll pop by. hoping that someone could accompany me but i went alone. it was weird but i thought i would just hang around for a while before i leave for the day. surprisingly, i quite enjoy myself. and also, i get to his new-found gf.
she's quite wild, baring her midriffs and g-string. dancing suggestively with me and all. thought she was abit over-friendly with me, but i get the hang of it. in summary, she can be pretty fun to hang out with. i'm not sure if she's drunk or what, coz' she made him promised her that she would see me again when they come out. i had to hide my puzzlement.
that pretty sums up the updates of me recently. nowadays i'm really lazy to be online... so i guess you wont see much of me around... nevertheless, i'm always a phone call away. need dates, just gimme a ring. would love to hear from any one of you.
take care at the meantime... :D
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
a new addiction
shopping is a girl's (or even some men's) therapy to feel happy. and feeling happy can be addictive. in other words, i think i'm addicted to shopping. that's not a very good sign. this is because, shopping only comes in when needed and i've known myself to only shop when there's a need to change my wardrobe and other valid reasons like that. however, recently i seemed to be finding excuses (more than valid reasons) to shop.
i don't know if it's due to the festive mood where everyone are out shopping for new year's clothes. even though i won't be around for the festive season, i can't helping indulging myself with the usual shoppings, together with the many others. i'm shopping as though i'm also celebrating. then again, a new year doesn't feels like a new year if there aren't new clothes to wear. i know that's a silly tradition, however this is how i'm brought up: new year = new clothes and shoes, and even underwear.
i've still a long list to buy:
- a duffel bag
- a new pair of sneakers
- tops for the new year
- shoes (or even boots)
- new lingerie
- makeup refills
.
.
.
.
.
these are the must-buy items in my head right now. i don't know if the list will get longer... which i believe it would. my shopping list doesn't get shorter, never in history. hahaha...
if the reason i'm shopping is coz' i want to feel happy, then something is really quite wrong. this simply would mean i'm unhappy... but the annoying thing is, i don't know what i'm unhappy about. or maybe i'm stressed about some stuff... sigh, perhaps i'll come to a conclusion soon... but till then, i'm in LOVE shopping. call me the new Shopaholic Goddess... *Guffaw!*
i don't know if it's due to the festive mood where everyone are out shopping for new year's clothes. even though i won't be around for the festive season, i can't helping indulging myself with the usual shoppings, together with the many others. i'm shopping as though i'm also celebrating. then again, a new year doesn't feels like a new year if there aren't new clothes to wear. i know that's a silly tradition, however this is how i'm brought up: new year = new clothes and shoes, and even underwear.
i've still a long list to buy:
- a duffel bag
- a new pair of sneakers
- tops for the new year
- shoes (or even boots)
- new lingerie
- makeup refills
.
.
.
.
.
these are the must-buy items in my head right now. i don't know if the list will get longer... which i believe it would. my shopping list doesn't get shorter, never in history. hahaha...
if the reason i'm shopping is coz' i want to feel happy, then something is really quite wrong. this simply would mean i'm unhappy... but the annoying thing is, i don't know what i'm unhappy about. or maybe i'm stressed about some stuff... sigh, perhaps i'll come to a conclusion soon... but till then, i'm in LOVE shopping. call me the new Shopaholic Goddess... *Guffaw!*
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