I was happily baptized 2 weeks ago, with the many thousands
of them around the world. While others felt the Holy Spirit came down on them,
I didn’t feel much. I don’t truly know why. But when I finally took the
Eucharist, tears swelled when I gave thanks. It has been a long journey for me.
And of course, I was excited about the whole thing, despite being cool throughout
the entire event. Honored, definitely, to be part of this new loving family.
I’ve gained new friends who’re as closed as real sisters and
brothers, new loving god-parents, new younger god-siblings (that came in a
bunch!). How not to be spoiled by soaking in their love all the time? It’s
great, everything has been awesomely great.
However, lately, I felt many blockages, like something’s not
right. And I could feel myself “slipping away”. I wasn’t praying much, much
less able to hear Him now, and I didn’t really know what’s going on. I didn’t
feel like sharing during group sharing sessions. Simply, I couldn’t feel Him
and felt pretty much disoriented. Honestly, I was getting scared.
I could always put the blame on my current company, but not
right to do that. I really don’t wish to say much anymore, just only focus on
getting out. At least, I’m quite focus on praying for a new job at least, as I
know I’m soaking in a pool of poison, where it attacks the mental health. The resentments
alone, is enough to kill any healthy being. It’s like hanging around with “living
zombies”, people who work for the sake of working. They have no zest in life, and
only talking behind each other’s back. Moderate gossiping is still fine by my
standards, but it’s getting excessive lately. And the Big Bosses are
considering to cut back some of our benefits as part of their cost-cutting
initiative. I can really go on and on and on, however, instead of putting in so
much effort to be whiney and miserable, I want to do something about it. I HAVE
to do something about it. And I’m getting out of there. For my own sake, for my
mental health, for the betterment of me, I want to get out. I wanted to just
rough it out but enough is really enough.
By far, I’ve only went for 1 interview, out of the many
resumes I’ve sent. Frustrating, really. I need a lot of strength, and loads and
loads of patience. Sometimes I feel like I’m at the brink of just throwing in
the letter…
