yes, i truly missed him.
it has been one month, almost. it did felt longer than that. things happened when i was at my lowest, i hoped he was there. and when i was thinking of someone to chat with on the line, i thought of him, and i missed having someone to talk to on my way home. i missed having to know someone's waiting for my call, or waiting up for me to tell him i'm home safely. most imptly, i truly missed the companionship. after all, it's always heartening to know someone's there for me.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
i smell a little trouble
soon it'll be 6 months to my new job, and that's spell the end of my probation. today, my boss spoke to me. other than work, she spoke to me about my probation. after sharing with me that her sales mgr feedback to her that i didn't really communicate with him, and the sales team didn't feel my "presence felt", i thought i felt stabbed in the back.
yes i agree, i don't seem to be interacting alot purely because I SIMPLY CAN'T FIT IN!! OMG!! it is like bad la! i mean, i don't go around cussing and swearing at every single sentence i speak, nor do i constantly crack yellow jokes! gawd! how can i stoop to that kind of level!? that's like so low class!! and i'm simply not that unrefined! how can i change myself to be that unrefined to that kind of extend just to "bond with the sales team"??!
there's this lady who happened to be one of my predecessor, currently working for another team. she is CRUDE! and i don't like that. as a woman, u don't simply just talk about balls and pussies or nipples just to mingle with guys. yeah, the men there prolly liked it, but puh-lease! that's so degrading! such a pretty lady in her mid-thirties who's married with a 4 year old kid, carrying herself this way?? oh c'mon! she's a funny lady, but i thought trying to be like her is WAY overboard for me. i'm cheeky, but in a civilised way. i don't go around and say things like "tickling her nipples" or "confirm make her shiok down there" or "give him that black hole" etc... gawd! so uncouth! i shudder even typing abt it. i'm not trying to act high-class here. it's only about respecting people and behaving yourself. UPS trained me well. after all, i worked in other local companies before, i have never come across such crude culture like this!
anyway, the sales team have been working together for at least, 6 years and above? i'm only there for 6 months! and they're all Men. how does she expect me to just "blend in"? it definitely takes more than 6 months.. hello!?!?
i guess considering that i come from a "different culture", i am currently deemed to be the outcasted one.
when my PM said the boss is very "pro-Sales team", i took it with a pinch of salt. after all, he ranted and whined alot and put ppl down behind their backs so how to take him seriously, right? but i think i finally see it the way he meant. it became rather obvious the sales mgr is playing dirty, feeding inaccurate information abt me to the boss. otherwise, why would she said i should "make my presence known" or "be louder". i really dislike the way that sales mgr handled this. if he feels a need for me to mingle more with his sales team, he should come to me directly and not tell my boss. yes, it could be my boss just asked him abt me, and he shares with her what he observed and things like that. even so, he should have approached me directly before, or even after he shared with her. he needn't to wait till the boss asked and then he just share "what he knows". and honestly, i doubt my boss even asked him if he has spoken to me about it.
i was complaining this to my ex-boss, ET. she said that it's obvious that i don't sit in with such culture. and considering how the sales mgr tell "things" to my boss, there'll be backstabbing within the team. worse, it's a TEAM of sales against poor little me. so naturally it would demoralizing. so how to stay long? she told me to find some better place. i don't doubt i won't, but there is a need to have the right time. now, i need the experience, and sadly i'm enjoying what i'm doing, perhaps just not the industry. then again, i don't know if other FMCG companies are the same....
my PM resigned and his last day would be end of this month. i didn't expect him to be leaving for real, after all, he kept going on and on and on about he's going to quit but somehow just didn't. so i'll be, erm, fending for myself.
my boss asked me to go think whether i would want to continue with this job or whether this job is suitable for me. i was taken aback. trying to take this positively, she just wants me to make sure this is what i'm expecting and if i can carry on working with them. if i am thinking otherwise, i'm free to go. i thought i felt her bruising my ego.
anyway, as long as i'm in this team, it's beginning to be tougher than i expected. i may have a really nice boss, but a boss who seemed to be listening to her sales team more, then it will be a bigger push factor, other than the rather-low-class-culture.
as what ET says, just take a step at a time. i thought i would give myself at least 3 yrs, but i hoped i could survive till end of Oct... now, that really shows how bad it becoming for me.
yes i agree, i don't seem to be interacting alot purely because I SIMPLY CAN'T FIT IN!! OMG!! it is like bad la! i mean, i don't go around cussing and swearing at every single sentence i speak, nor do i constantly crack yellow jokes! gawd! how can i stoop to that kind of level!? that's like so low class!! and i'm simply not that unrefined! how can i change myself to be that unrefined to that kind of extend just to "bond with the sales team"??!
there's this lady who happened to be one of my predecessor, currently working for another team. she is CRUDE! and i don't like that. as a woman, u don't simply just talk about balls and pussies or nipples just to mingle with guys. yeah, the men there prolly liked it, but puh-lease! that's so degrading! such a pretty lady in her mid-thirties who's married with a 4 year old kid, carrying herself this way?? oh c'mon! she's a funny lady, but i thought trying to be like her is WAY overboard for me. i'm cheeky, but in a civilised way. i don't go around and say things like "tickling her nipples" or "confirm make her shiok down there" or "give him that black hole" etc... gawd! so uncouth! i shudder even typing abt it. i'm not trying to act high-class here. it's only about respecting people and behaving yourself. UPS trained me well. after all, i worked in other local companies before, i have never come across such crude culture like this!
anyway, the sales team have been working together for at least, 6 years and above? i'm only there for 6 months! and they're all Men. how does she expect me to just "blend in"? it definitely takes more than 6 months.. hello!?!?
i guess considering that i come from a "different culture", i am currently deemed to be the outcasted one.
when my PM said the boss is very "pro-Sales team", i took it with a pinch of salt. after all, he ranted and whined alot and put ppl down behind their backs so how to take him seriously, right? but i think i finally see it the way he meant. it became rather obvious the sales mgr is playing dirty, feeding inaccurate information abt me to the boss. otherwise, why would she said i should "make my presence known" or "be louder". i really dislike the way that sales mgr handled this. if he feels a need for me to mingle more with his sales team, he should come to me directly and not tell my boss. yes, it could be my boss just asked him abt me, and he shares with her what he observed and things like that. even so, he should have approached me directly before, or even after he shared with her. he needn't to wait till the boss asked and then he just share "what he knows". and honestly, i doubt my boss even asked him if he has spoken to me about it.
i was complaining this to my ex-boss, ET. she said that it's obvious that i don't sit in with such culture. and considering how the sales mgr tell "things" to my boss, there'll be backstabbing within the team. worse, it's a TEAM of sales against poor little me. so naturally it would demoralizing. so how to stay long? she told me to find some better place. i don't doubt i won't, but there is a need to have the right time. now, i need the experience, and sadly i'm enjoying what i'm doing, perhaps just not the industry. then again, i don't know if other FMCG companies are the same....
my PM resigned and his last day would be end of this month. i didn't expect him to be leaving for real, after all, he kept going on and on and on about he's going to quit but somehow just didn't. so i'll be, erm, fending for myself.
my boss asked me to go think whether i would want to continue with this job or whether this job is suitable for me. i was taken aback. trying to take this positively, she just wants me to make sure this is what i'm expecting and if i can carry on working with them. if i am thinking otherwise, i'm free to go. i thought i felt her bruising my ego.
anyway, as long as i'm in this team, it's beginning to be tougher than i expected. i may have a really nice boss, but a boss who seemed to be listening to her sales team more, then it will be a bigger push factor, other than the rather-low-class-culture.
as what ET says, just take a step at a time. i thought i would give myself at least 3 yrs, but i hoped i could survive till end of Oct... now, that really shows how bad it becoming for me.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
single again
after 15 months of having someone, i'm alone once more. i guess the perks about dating would be not having to worry about whether i would have anything to do for the weekends. even though, yes, when we're together we do have to think of what to do. only difference is, the company - whether or not there is anything to do. even hanging out at his place also beats having to sit around whole day, not knowing what to do or where to go. and worse still, none of friends that've tried contacting would be available. sigh...
all i can say is, start getting used to being alone again.
all i can say is, start getting used to being alone again.
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