colleagues

colleagues plays an important part in a working environment. if there's a sucky boss, at least there're good colleagues worth hanging onto the job. but what happens when supposedly good colleagues became fair-field ones?

my company is slowly expanding. new colleagues are usually based on referrals on either one of us. so recently came onboard was naturally one of my colleagues' friends. they're all of the same or similar age group. suddenly, i felt really young and ignorant. i just couldn't fit in....

perhaps i'm being oversensitive but sometimes, it didn't seem to be that way.

for their age group, they look at things with a high-class brand tag to it. and best still, diamonds are their best friends! maybe when i'm their age, i would start to appreciate such things. but for now, when they go goo-goo-gaa-gaa over stones, i would stand one side and appreciate the brillance of the stones and the design with total no clue what the hell is princess cuts, solitaire cut blah blah blah. while i was dreaming one day would i have the chance to be the designer of the accessories, they would be dreaming when would be the day they be owner for that accessory.

poor me.

for now, i see it as silence would be the best tools. they talk, i'll just keep quiet and observed. no intentions to participate in their group talk which i may or may not know what's going on. furthermore, i don't see a point for them to come to my level since i'm not an interesting girl to be fussed at in the 1st place.

as the team will eventually become bigger, i could more or less see where i'll be. for now, before 2 more ppl will be joining us, i could only speculate.

and i know my speculations will be for real.... =/

MERRY X'MAS!

i agree that this is the best time of the year. i love gift exchanging, i love the get-together sessions, and i love the moment when we countdown to this very day with everyone in the world celebrating and rejoicing. soon, it will be a new year - with new dreams, new hopes and new plans. to me, it just give me an excuse to put down the grievances i had in the past year and look forward to a "new beginning", to start everything afresh.

and i want to start everything afresh....

being observed

i suddenly felt very small. i felt that i'm being observed and scrutinized quietly by someone i'm not closed at all.

no, she don't mean anything. she's just relating what she has observed about me. and she's hitting her 30s this coming year and been through quite alot, i guess. so whatever she told me sounds like a big sister teaching her kiddo sister. despite that she meant well, i felt insecure.

she admitted to me that she's a straightforward person and would be forthcoming about almost anything. so most of the time, she would offend her surrounding friends.

i didn't like to have my weakness being caught off-guard. or perhaps, not so much of a weakness but is more of something i didn't felt too proud of. she suddenly popped out a direct question, "you don't really mix around, right?" shocked and felt exposed, but i didn't see a need to deny about that. curious, i questioned back, "what makes you think that way?" "well, you don't seem to talk about your friends but just more of your life and your boyfriend... that's how i figure it out."

shudder.

i felt pathetic. and perhaps abit embarassed, even though there's nothing to be ashamed about. but i just didn't feel very comfortable.

yes, i admit that she's quite observant. and i feel quite insecure when i'm with her. somehow, she made me just wanna shut up and listen to prevent myself from exposing myself further....

also, conversations with her made me feel like i'm still a kid. aiyoo.... i didn't like being teached, this way. on the other hand, i feel that there's alot of things in life i can learn from her. she has definitely more insights than me, and i can say that she's a close-to-perfect person to approach when it comes to heading certain directions for my future.

but before i get too close with her, i have to be mentally prepared of her unintentioned sharp remarks. still, her constructive feedbacks will do me good in a long run.... perhaps, that's the only way i can tune myself to listen to her. HA!