my friends have the best intentions for me. and i know they only want me well, and happy. then again, i know, i will be on my own. no, i'm not abandoned. just that i cannot expect them to understand.....what i'm putting myself through. it's a willing-part of me, not at gunpoint.
we haven't talked like we did now, not for a long time. the bond is still there, like i never really left. and we're so comfortable with each other now. sure, we're playing flirt, but we're somewhat still mindful. perhaps now that the tension is gone, no more pressure, no more finger-pointing. it did seem like we're starting all over again, taking true baby steps towards understanding each other. i believe that's how great relationship comes about: we all start off as friends. even if it didn't turn out the way it should, but yeah, still great friends.
i don't deny, it's really tempting to jump the gun. tempted many times. that would've just screw everything up, and put myself in greater disadvantage than i already am. both of us knew. we just knew. i'm still fragile inside, healing ever so slowly, and i'll break at pressure. i cannot take another set back, not for now. we both know.
i'm told to keep a distance, "for my own good". i couldn't. i wouldn't want to miss a chance for not being there. i just want my presence felt. not really readily available, but at least, i know i'm missed. i draw some strength from it, so i could hold on.
it may sound silly to you, but it's my journey. only i will know what does "holding on" would mean to me, only i will know what outcome i'll be expecting. some may say i'm blinded, but who isn't?
will i regret? no! coz i followed my heart, and am still following it.
unless you have the same courage to follow the heart and allow it to lead you blindly, then perhaps, you would have understood.
and being 'blind' has never felt this easy, this peaceful.
