on a serious note...

i guess i always tend to know things that i shouldn't know and in the end, i had sworn secrecy over it. it's not about the secret i have to bear with me to the grave, but more of the question to something else: why do people get married? do they get married becoz' of love or out of obligations? or it's a mixed of both?

there are just so many questions going through my mind right now, so tough to organize them.

"don't marry someone you can live with; marry someone you can't live without", is that true or it's just a saying? when you're told that he/she never felt this way with his/her partner in a marriage before, you start to wonder if this person married for the right reasons. and do they even think hard enough before taking the plunge? or it's a matter of "going with the flow..."? then again, is it that difficult to maintain the kind of sparks in a marriage? when there're no more sparks, does that spell the end of a marriage, regardless how much the couple went through?

things like that makes me wonder and eventually gets cynical. it's no wonder why some people would end up being single for the rest of their lives. hearing stories like these doesn't give singles like me any kind of security. yes, anything could've happen. but when you're being told that, "this is not just a fling and we're serious about each other" despite being married, values taught to stay faithful to a marriage is no longer there. i'm not implying these people have no values; it's that people would be more willing to follow their heart than doing what's right or wrong anymore.

sometimes i wonder is it because as we aged, we tend to do things with our heart than with the head. after all, time is ticking away and we began to realize how important it is to be truly happy with what we have and achieve for things we don't. yet back then in our younger days, we sincerely think that we have the whole life to spend.

for me, i realize i'm slowly switching from a head-person to a heart-person. things i've done are right out of my heart, respecting how i felt and act upon what my heart tells me to do. unbashfully, i felt good when it's done right out from the heart even though consequences can be nasty. but i think as long as you don't end up letting yourself down, there shouldn't have any regrets. same goes to marriage - it should be what i want deep down, and not what i have i do. ultimately, happiness and love inter-twines each other. and yes, i want to be happy, for as long as it would last.

like duh.

I'm Unpatriotic

I was pretty much used to spending time alone at home most of my weekends. only some nights, i'll go drinking with "the lads" from UPS who gladly treated me as "one of the lads". just chill and chat, and chat some more... so usually i would just sleep in the day, woke up in in the afternoon, do some chores and clean that smelly dog, and then watched TV. so i was happily hooked on the Taiwanese variety shows till i realized it was already 9pm: the National Day Parade was over. shit.

there was so much hype about getting everyone possible to say the pledge at 8.22pm sharp. i thought it was a great idea to get the nation involved, even though they may not be watching the parade at home. i mean, for once, feel Singaporean. i guess i was too engrossed with my own entertainment till i totally forgotten about it. seriously, missing the huge part of the parade is one thing, i literally skipped the whole damn thing. i'm ashamed. how i know i missed the parade? i happened to switch back to the local channels, and i saw the news came on with some snapshots of the parade. great.

i didn't even know the parade ends at 9pm lor... so wrong of me. i should be packing my bags and migrate to Sentosa.

i went to watch the preview with my mum quite a few years ago. even though it was only the preview, i thought watching the parade live beats having to watch from the black box. Bellie had the tix, for actual day (mind you), and she too, totally enjoyed the whole event. i'm like so envious can! as long as the parade would be held at the floating platform, chances of getting the tix are less than 1%. why? think about it: all participants in the parade would be given 4 to 6 tix. that's prolly a good quarter of the seats taken. and then, another quarter of the tix are given to members of parliament and all those important people. so what are remaining? you go fig.

then again, even though i missed the whole national parade thing, i still love where i'm born and bred. and i feel so part of Singapore when i sing those songs myself while bathing okay! i may be "unfilial" to not catch the parade and celebrate as a nation, but this is Home: Bedok North Street 1, thank you.

if you find another Bedok North Street 1 in Zimbawe, there must have been some mistake....

it all makes sense now...

i guess, sometimes all we have to do is to wait. waiting alone can be really frustrating, especially when most of the time i don't know what's going on and things like that. 2 months of waiting, in vain, and it all comes quite clear to me already. it's all in a game i'm trapped in. selfish people lay some emotional games and rolled me in willingly, at the end of the day, i'm glad i managed to get myself out of it.

2 months of emotional torture finally ends.

i hope things would still maintain its professionalism and i promise i'll keep to my end of the deal.

hopefully, that'll be the last i'll hear of him, on a personal note.




Never explain yourself to anyone
Because the person who likes you doesn’t need it
And the person who dislikes you won’t believe it

Don’t let someone become a priority in your life
When you are just an option in their life
Relationships work best when they are balanced

We make those who care for us cry
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us


courtesy of Gerald Lim... :)