Paying tributes to Diary-X

lucky for hua who has decided to shut down her diary-x account after blogging for nearly 2 years or more with it. as for me, i refuses to have it shut down even though i've taken up blogspot as well.

i'm sentimental. every entry i've posted online for my close friends meant something. be it some mushy details or even rants, i could do it freely especially when i know i'm safe in my password protected entries for selected readers.

i was quite shocked that the site suddenly crashed on one fine day, and anticipated it to recover. i mean, my precious memories are there!! however, i'm utterly disappointed to read that the founder of diary-x decided to shut down permanently.

ah well, nothing much i can do.

at this present moment, there isn't any other site that provides the option of SSL for free. maybe i'll continue sourcing for one, but at the meantime, i don't really have the time. at the meantime, i'll just make do with blogspot and livejournal... just that i have to refrain blogging some sensitive matters concerning friends, relatives, family, blah blah blah.... can't bitch, curse or swear obscenities too much. ha!

Just becoz' of a S$50, I lost my S$2100 in sales - half my sales target

what are candidates becoming nowadays? how much shit they put their agencies into?? they know nothing call ETHICS! to them, they feel that have certain bargaining power and their ridiculous theory "you pay me higher than that company, i'll take up the offer" stayed put like a stick in the mud. even verbal conclusion meant nothing to them. in fact, they casually thought that "as long as i didn't sign anything, i'm fine". FUCK! how FUCKINGLY wrong can you get? do you bloody know that's LEGALLY BINDING as well?! damn you!

and yeah, it's just an insignificant 50 bucks. seriously, what can 50 bucks get you nowadays? how long can it help you keep your tummy filled? one day?? perhaps just one week!

best part was, that ignorant candidate is not even suffering from a pay cut! yeah, perhaps a pay cut FROM her expected salary. how ridiculous can that be?? all that bargaining, that hassle to get her reference checks, preparing for her letter of appointment, and we ended up in disappointment coz' "we refuses to give her another 50 bucks". WTF!!?

think about it: how many sincere companies would wait a month or more, just for you to come on board? how many prospective companies would even prepare to BUY you out if you're not able to join them at their proposed date? also, they even willing to talk to you to convince you to take up job and paint the whole picture for you? most importantly, they even have confidence in you to the extend they have plans to promote and adjust your salary at your coming performance appraisal?

she ought to be ashame of herself for the fact that she is an EXECUTIVE (mind you) and not any Ning Kong Poot still green in the society. NOBODY is expecting such childish games from her. a moment she said no, coz' of S$50, and then she said yes, after much considerations. and now, back to square one. ALL FOR JUST s$50 DIFFERENCE IN HER EXPECTED PAY!

all because of UNETHICAL and IMPRACTICAL candidates my country has developed, i am going to be out of job.... cheers to that.

i thought i was pretty firm with what i want to be in future... or pretty sure where i'm heading in a short term goal. but after a casual chat with my bro, he proved me wrong. at least, he made me realise that what i thought was good for me was not the best option after all.

at this present moment, i'm doing recruitment - a small part of the full spectrum in HR. i was thinking, since i'm in this HR line so why not pursue further? then my bro came into the picture and tell me HR may not be the best option for me. instead, he based on my personality and suggested i should do something more interactive - which is marketing related work.

it set me thinking all over. once, i regretted not taking up marketing and headed for Logistics due to the "long term aspects" of what my foundation studies could lead me. in the end, i'm not really keen to pursue further in Logistics after graduation. and for that, i sincerely felt i've wasted my time and my parent's money for doing something not of my interest.

and now, i'm wondering perhaps i should just follow what i wanted to take all these while and see where it could lead me. i don't know would Marketing eventually be what i want but at least, i know i'm doing what i wanted to and not what i think i should do.

for that, i know it made hell lot of difference.

in terms of financial matters, my bro asked me to try for scholarship and told me try not to take a loan. and if really have to, he will try to sponsor me part of it instead of taking the full loan.

i'm grateful to hear those words finally that i have someone i could rely on. i'm touched. but if i could, i wouldn't really want to touch his money as they are also meant for his other plans.

most importantly, i don't wish to leave in regrets if i've taken up something which again, felt i've wasted my time in....

unpleasant ghostly encounters....

i've always considered myself blessed to be safe and sound to almost everywhere i go. and in fact, i've never once been sensitive to the "things" around me. even going abroad, you might hear some friends, relatives or even family to share their unpleasant encounters during their trip.

not that i don't believe in those things, but i've never totally believed in them coz' i can't see nor feel them. it was only recently, which i believe my luck wasn't in its best, that i started to feel things differently. no, it's not to the extend where i can see headless souls or rotting flesh in my reflection in the mirror or reflective glass doors. shadows are bad enough.

sometimes, my thoughts run wild and naturally it became a case of scaring myself. however, nowadays, i hope i AM scaring myself. however, when it happened, i'm surprisingly calmed. i don't know what got over me but i'm pretty much undisturbed when it happened - ON ME! i'm impressed.

take it as i'm superstitious but i'm not buying my chances here. last thing i am to encounter is anything worse than just an encounter. meaning to say, i got possessed or even SEEING "them" with my own eyes. that, i believe i might freaked out than just sneered at it.

horrible bitch.... but not as bitch as me! =P

she proudly named herself "Park Ave Princess", but i simply addressed her as the "M-girl" in my bloggie. that is quite a snobbish name she adopted for herself, just cause she feels she has all the money in the world. to me, i feel that she's poor. purely coz' the money she possesses ain't hers - her parents got them (like duh!). even so, she would inherit the wealth eventually. as far as i know, i won't be greened-eye for her. perhaps i would go "woo, waaah..." for what she could afford, but if she has no capabilities to earn her keep, i am not impressed.

then again, it's none of my business lah....

i don't ever find myself funny. as far as i know, my sense of humor is pretty dry. i believe my generation of people would casually call it "lame". but i'm always like that, so what's wrong? laugh it off and move on! picking the name "holy innocents" is purely for fun and i've totally no ill-intentions. if YOU choose to accuse me, so be it. it never meant to be funny nor offensive.

having said that, so what if "my precious Pea" is from there? she read it, laugh it off and moved on. so why even take the effort to be offended? simply coz' she's aware that's just a lame joke and nothing concerning myself trying to find trouble. even if there is, probably just YOU lah.

i don't believe YOU're simply not affecting by what people talked about you. if not, YOU wouldn't bother blogging a long ranting entry about the ANNOYmous guy who sparked the disagreement (or cleared the air) between you both, or just "my precious Pea" and your ignorant gang. also, YOU won't even bother retaliate on things that are simply untrue. if like YOU've said you can't be bothered clearing your stained reputation, it is as good as accepting what's being said. so it's as good as SHUTTING UP when others supposedly "wronged" you.. in the end, YOU probably slapped yourself by contradicting more and more... wahahhaa.... pathetic!

perhaps, picking word for word is the best you can do. you could have done much better than that if YOU let those SENTENCES digest in YOU for a while longer. so quick with your thoughts, ending up at the losing end.

losing a friend may be nothing to you, as money may "buy" friends over. then, i wish you luck with that!

mei, i'm all for ya... =)

i can't believe how supposedly-to-be-good-friends could turn to foe, or at least in each other bad books, from such a minor misunderstanding. worse still, she even mocked her publicly! goodness! where are the good traits that girl once had?? being fuck-ed away??

i never felt that 'M' girl was pretty, even flipping through pictures of past memories that they once shared. i thought she just looked like any girl next door. but mei didn't agree with me, despite that they're not as close as before. mei didn't really understand why they grew apart as well. hmm....

perhaps mei grew up and lived past that era that 'M' girl is still frolicking with her mates. i believe most of my clicks saw the "differences" between them. it's a no-wonder why they would even not be as close as before, coz, simply different mentalities! how could anyone compare "wannabes" and "down-to-earth"? furthermore, mei is presently earning her keep and partially supporting her studies; also, she isn't born with gold spoon in her mouth. maybe a gold-plated one.... kekekekeke....

you mean, she can't be bitchy in her entries? how much you know about her and who are you to even tell that it's not her to be bitchy? if that's the case, i'm honoured to have seen her being really bitchy, and sad, you're not there. =P

i'm not rich in my vocabularies and probably spot many gramatical errors in every single entries i've posted. no biggie, i'm still learning. =)

even how bad my language could be, i still wouldn't slam my friends online. coz, blogs are purely for reading pleasure. if i find it difficult to understand, next please! why even bother spending time to quote someone else and punished her for trying to play with vocabs? kaoz, where is your creativity?!

IQ probably hits a thou, EQ = ZEEEro...

that's one helluva sad case, i would say.

independently alone...

suddenly, i needed someone to talk to... who could i turn to? my small circle of friends, who supposedly those i've single-handedly picked out from the rest of the acquaintance group, are the people i would count on.... but sadly, none was a perfect fit for now.

maybe i couldnt find someone i could relate to perfectly, who could understand what i'm feeling now and tell me what i can do. i needed a mentor, i needed some guidance, i needed someone to be able feel my wounded soul and pride, and stop me feeling like a failure.

someone else came up to me, hoping i could share her woes. i was thinking would i be in the right state to help her when i'm in a mess myself? whichever, i still listened. perhaps i was distracted and unknowingly felt better when she feels better. but it wasnt for long when the dreadful feeling overwhelmed me again...

i don't know how to make myself feel better. if smoking would relieve the pain i felt, i would go for it. but i don't know how to smoke, too bad. so what's my next alternative? cry? i will... and hope it would help...

Boring...

this year's CNY is quite a flob really. i don't really enjoy myself and i'm actually bored! other than the usual visitings, i don't do anything else. i'm not too keen in clubbing, but yet there's nothing else i can do. even finding a pub to chill was tough, everywhere was closed for the hols. sigh... what a bad start-off for the year...

worse still, finally found places to go, i couldn't find people to go. *faint* what else could be worse...

now, despite that i only resumes work this Friday, i'm slacking at home with nothing in my mind. i wasted the whole morning sleeping at home, and my afternoons surfing webbie. i felt i could do better than letting the time ticks away.... BUT! i got nothing to do... so sad.

i've nothing on as well for tomorrow, and would be the last day of my CNY hols. i foresee it would be programless as today...

i'm pathetic... i'm so lonely... awww....