for the girls who felt guilty...

why even think that way?

i'm pretty speechless at one point in time that there is an entry "dedicated" to me. i had to read a few more times before you managed to drive the message, "hey, i'm talking to you!" LOL. actually, the "steambath" caught my attention.

i can't describe how i felt now. whatever you said warmed my heart, and i felt so surprised, happy, thrilled, blah blah blah. basically, everything is so mixed up.

of coz' i miss my cutesy-pie and my pretty Flower. understand that you girls are really stressed up over work in the office, bf and not-exactly-a-r'ship matters to brood over, and also now, studies to kill your brain cells, therefore i didn't really thought to bother about my problems. i mean, it didn't really occur to me to verbally tell you guyz coz' if i'm upset, i would most likely expressed them over blogging. at least, i thought in that way, despite us being occupied with our own matters, all of us will be aware what's going on. after all, i'm still much more expressive over the keyboard.

i'm pretty much looking forward to our all-girls' outing, be it clubbing, chilling, bitching or organizing a slumber party. and yes, not forgetting our Kinder Surprise! (Note: i seem to be opening the same surprise everytime!! and it's getting quite irritating....)

it's funny to read that you missed my lame jokes! wahahaha... that's something really surprising. but ya, i miss "laming" you as well. kekekekeke....

anyway, i'm pretty much fine already. guess when bf and work probs just came barging into my life at once, i can't exactly handle it too well. so, i ended up feeling foolish and guilty as well. =/

well, i'm waiting for one of u girls to come and message me to come out and chill. i don't mind clubbing... kekekeke... then, i can take my time to tell you the whole story you girls wanna hear.


PS. Subjected to schedule availability. Please book me in advance. Your cooperation is very much appreciated. And stop rolling your eyes. My entry can feel it.

hiak hiak hiak....

i can't describe how i feel now... everything is welled in me, ready to explode anytime. it's horrible, and i felt so much like breaking down.

ever since the nasty msges exchanged last evening, i nearly couldn't sleep the whole night. my mind wouldn't let it go.

even this morning, i didn't feel any much better. he only msged me a "good night" at nearly 5 am and i didn't hear anything else 'till 5 minutes ago where he dropped me, "good night. miss u.".

that seems to be the final straw.

i'm being compromised

Mambo in Zouk sucks.

it has went downhilled for quite some time and the management finally decided to go for a new look, a new concept maybe. so the whole upcoming reno will take about a month or so. thinking of such a short period of time, i'm seriously wondering how different will it be then.

however, that's not the point.

i seriously don't know what's so attractive of the current Zouk. the DJ spins a mix of unrecognized top 40s and retros. it isn't like the old Zouk where the DJ spins splendid collections of retro they once did. in addition, gentlemen have to pay a cover charge for sucky music now.

because of clubbing, it didnt occur to him to make it up for failed-attempts in the past few days for today. since when have i become so unimportant?

yes of course! this was preplanned since last week and i knew nuts about it (or perhaps i didnt remember). that would include the shopping on that past Monday with his friends while i had to be force to rest at home which i didnt want to. and the bad weather on Monday too, added up to not-able-to-meet-me. fair enough. i conceit defeat.

unfortunately, his great-great-grandmother passed away on Tuesday and i'm not complaining about that.

and ta-da! he's booking in tomorrow and i haven't even got the EQUAL chance than his friends to meet up with him! why don't i be his friends than his girlfriend? i'll be more honoured to have him spending time with me!

he did come down to look for me but i chose to make things difficult for him. i'm touched but i didn't wanna see him. for what? since he wouldn't be making it up for me today, i felt i didn't need the "pop by". i deserve more than that.

he may have the intentions to skip clubbing today but that was after he knew i was upset, which is something totally not out of initiative from the failed attempts and it would only make me feel bad. in fact, why have to wait till my face turned black then he just only suggested that he should change his plans? that is something which i don't consider it as SINCERITY.

seriously, how could he? how could he thought of proceeding with his plans when he knew i am upset about the past few days?

i'm so, so disappointed.

i'm unwell

after forging so hard for the past week, i felt so imbalanced. i should be happy that i clinged deals so quickly in the beginning of this month. instead, i cant believe i'm so nonchalent about it. i know it's a good headstart but a voice keeps tell me, "big deal..."

i need some encouragement, i need some pats on my back, i need some comfort and not a probing headache. i desperately wanna buy something to reward myself, but i cant help feeling so broke.

fuck.

all it takes was determination...

i was focus since the beginning of the week and now, i'm quite proud of my little accomplishment. despite being far from what was laid before me, i'm amazed that i'm still striving.

like what they say, "just stay focus and aim at your goal. charge at all costs and you'll get it!"

wow.

however, i'm starting to feel fatigue. a little depressed as i'm quite tired from all the battles i've fought in the day, and i don't really get to relax and destress when i knock off. in addition, the slow depletion of my bank account is weighing down on me... it is only the 2nd week of September and i'm already facing financial crisis. i'm ashamed.

well, i'm striving and will hit my sales target this month. for the sake of MORE money to pamper myself. it has been a real LOOOOOOONG time since i've slapped down more than 200 bucks from my earnings just for shopping.

yeap, very deprived of girlie's stuff - shopping.