i'm glad i've grown up

i know adding on to the numbers on my age is agonizing. however, after reading some of my blog posts randomly, dated as far as year 2007, it dawned upon me how much i've grown. it's something worth rejoicing, and i'm really glad.

when i blog, my innermost feelings are recorded. especially when i'm upset or angry about something, the words i used are so strong, so so so tactless. with my terrible temper and attitude, i believed i've hurt many people, including my own family. reading some of the posts i've written out of anger, it brought tears to my eyes to know how i have been. those were the days of being young and brash. i know what i was thinking back then, when i blogged. just that it didn't dawn upon me how narrow-minded i was.

i guessed it's true, wisdom comes with age. and yet i thought i was matured back then. my ass! hahahahaha... yes, i've went through some real challenges, from handling family drama, to being a runaway bride, to "forced resignation" from my previous company... well, it's rather eventful. and honestly, i thank God for putting me through all these challenges, and pulled me through one by one. and most importantly, i grew up bit by bit.

i feel that discovering my religion should be my biggest breakthrough in this stage of my life. it changed the way i think, the way i behave. i've learned to be appreciative towards people who loved me, even the littlest thing. for a while now, i felt at peace. i couldn't say i'm no longer stubborn, coz' i can still be quite adamant on certain things, but i feel that i'm more accomodating to others now. i'm no longer angry about things that have happened, no longer angry of my family whom i've misunderstood for the longest time. so blessed that i "woke up". and my greatest gift? i mended the bridge with my family, especially with my mum and my eldest bro. their unwavering love and support, i only have myself to blame. so blinded by my self-righteousness, and my angst.

i'm thankful, so thankful, ever thankful.

Stay Home Weekends...

i don't know since when, i've become a homebody. almost every weekend i'm home, only stepping out of the house to get food or do some simple grocery shoppings. i guessed that's life for a singleton. sometimes it's boring to the max, but also, it is a way to slow down from work and catch up with rest. however, i don't hang out much after work too. hmmm.

colleagues are simply curious how come i don't have a boyfriend. i wished to know why too. hahaha... i guess it's just that as age catches up, i'm not too keen in 'socializing'. i rather bond with my bunch of friends, rather than making new friends. so when i'm constantly surrounded by platonic friends, it would take longer to hook up with someone, i believe. how long i intend to stay single? well, i don't know. i guess when it comes, it comes. and i believe i'm still finding "the one"... i thought i found him, but fate wasn't smiling on us on this one... not ever, i think. unless..... a twist of events? yeah, i wished... and that's evil.

it's kind of getting to me seeing people i know posting their pictures of their "happily ever after" and their "bundle of joy". there's nothing wrong at all. only wonder if there's something wrong with me. 27, going on 28, and soon 30. wow, i'm old. maternal instincts are slowly creeping in. when i see little tots, i would smile and give a silent prayer to keep the baby safe. sometimes, i would feel at peace watching the baby's actions. and now that my bestie is pregnant, i'm constantly overwhelmed with joy, anticipating the arrival of her baby. and i do look forward to some good news from my brother soon!

anyhow, i guess there will be more stay-home weekends for me till i'm hooked up again. not that it's anything bad, but i don't enjoy staying home and moping over the fact i'm dateless. hahaha... oh well....