being observed

i suddenly felt very small. i felt that i'm being observed and scrutinized quietly by someone i'm not closed at all.

no, she don't mean anything. she's just relating what she has observed about me. and she's hitting her 30s this coming year and been through quite alot, i guess. so whatever she told me sounds like a big sister teaching her kiddo sister. despite that she meant well, i felt insecure.

she admitted to me that she's a straightforward person and would be forthcoming about almost anything. so most of the time, she would offend her surrounding friends.

i didn't like to have my weakness being caught off-guard. or perhaps, not so much of a weakness but is more of something i didn't felt too proud of. she suddenly popped out a direct question, "you don't really mix around, right?" shocked and felt exposed, but i didn't see a need to deny about that. curious, i questioned back, "what makes you think that way?" "well, you don't seem to talk about your friends but just more of your life and your boyfriend... that's how i figure it out."

shudder.

i felt pathetic. and perhaps abit embarassed, even though there's nothing to be ashamed about. but i just didn't feel very comfortable.

yes, i admit that she's quite observant. and i feel quite insecure when i'm with her. somehow, she made me just wanna shut up and listen to prevent myself from exposing myself further....

also, conversations with her made me feel like i'm still a kid. aiyoo.... i didn't like being teached, this way. on the other hand, i feel that there's alot of things in life i can learn from her. she has definitely more insights than me, and i can say that she's a close-to-perfect person to approach when it comes to heading certain directions for my future.

but before i get too close with her, i have to be mentally prepared of her unintentioned sharp remarks. still, her constructive feedbacks will do me good in a long run.... perhaps, that's the only way i can tune myself to listen to her. HA!