moving forward

finally, i've decided to put my foot down and moved on. apparently, not everyone is very encouraging. of coz', ultimately is my decision. however, they need not respect that as they felt i should've waited longer....

longer? hmm... i'm wondering how long more. i believe all should know waiting (alone) is no fun...

perhaps, they're right that if i've waited just a tad bit longer, YM could've come on the right time. but i don't know what was going on. all along, i only knew i'm subconciously waiting and waiting, yet don't know what would be the outcome. sorry, i just didn't know. and all i felt was sad when he suddenly came.

i guess nobody would really know how i felt deep down, the dilemma i felt. after all, it deemed to be so easy that all i had to say was to move on, and let go of what had been built before. seriously, talk is cheap isn't it? who is the person who had to go through the emotional struggle? me (and him). saying to move on is like snapping of my fingers? stop being so naive... i'm a thinker. i think of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. what made it seemed as if i didn't think before i made my decision? if i don't think before that, i wouldn't have been so adamant about what i set my foot down. YM knows that about me...

it's almost effortless to tell me to back out since it's only a "couple of days". let's just say it took me alot of courage and effort to come to this decision, and even if it's a couple of days, i don't think i want to go through all that again.

i'm not expecting anyone to understand. and i believe some people will slowly move away from me... it's sad really. coz' it does show they're not really been objective. after all, i thought it would be best for them not to take sides and look at things at an objective standpoint, and not who they should pity more. i don't blame them. after all, YM is at the shorter end of the deal. i know, i wont get their blessings. perhaps, at the end of the day, they should know they shouldn't get too emotionally involved.

take it as i'm selfish, and i'm all for myself and nothing but myself. i'll leave it if people would think i'm heartless or impulsive or a slut. well, i live for myself now... if i don't take care of myself, who would? life goes on, doesn't it? even if i get misunderstood for the rest of my life, so be it. i don't think i need to redeem myself... i think it gonna tough but i do believe that ultimately people who respect and understands me would still hang around...


nevertheless, i would still want to thank Jacob, for helping out ever so readily. if it weren't for him, i guess YM would have been nothing and the assistance he rendered me was commendable. i sense his disappointment when he learnt about it, and i prolly not hear from him again. oh well... *shrugs*