it seems, he's not the guy...

i don't know what was our status. i treated as i'm someone without any commitments of such. i went on with my life as a singlehood, even though my heart didnt seem so. i pinned on to the day of reunion, and glad how things are slowly turning out as what i expected it to be. i thought it was brilliant.

i never told anyone how and what i plan. i had a goal in mind, and i work my way towards it. i'm like a lone ranger, doing things quietly. i don't like explaining what i intend to do, nor explain anything happened after that. apparently, not all people like it. he was one of them.

i guess, its times like this which make me realize that it's pointless to drag this on. he made the decision, and it's finally off. that slap was deserving, to both of us. it made me realize that despite how much effort i put in to avoid having to walk my parent's footsteps, i still did. the only consolation was, luckily i'm still not married.

it's creepy. considering i've almost married to someone who didnt respect his partner's privacy, exactly like my father. "lack of trust", you prolly called it. however, was that supposed to be a valid reason to void all respect? perhaps, it did. we've went through this for the 3rd time, and many more times to come? i guess it'll never drill in the fact where privacy, to me, it's strongly sacred.

my heart aches, my eyes' sore. but am i supposed to count my blessings?

i suddenly felt lost, i don't know where i shall be heading. everything's a blur right now, future is just so bleak. nobody i'm pinning to anymore. no reunions to look forward to, no happy-endings.

i guess i brought it all upon myself. too much in control... i controlled the beginnings, the process and the endings. however, then ending was much least expected. all i wanted to do was to protect the ones i love. then again, no one will see it my way.

so it'll be a unfinished chapter of my life, and it'll end that way. this will be safely kept someplace in my heart, never to be opened again.

my heart has just shut its doors.

goodbye, my love...