the lonely lady

she felt the stab in her heart, still feeling unbelieveable about what her daughter had done. everything seemed to have laid before her eyes, still hoping that everything she heard and saw was a lie. she has no one, since she sincerely felt that her beloved daughter has "betrayed" her, other than her sons to depend on. she felt pathetic.

that's my mum above.

she kept accusing me that i contributed to my dad's lawyer false accusations that she has a boyfriend outside. and she kept probing if i was made to go down to the lawyer's office to make any "swearing" or anything. after which she gave me a real long lecture about how i've hurt her feelings and how unfeeling i was to not stand by her instead. what fuck.

i didnt bother to fend for myself even though i'm innocent. 1stly, i didn't see a point to clarify anything to her since she would never see my point. and would most likely take what i've said to fight back my dad in the court. 2ndly, i don't wish to end up getting myself trapped further in between both parents when i already feel i am. lastly (but not the least), i'm doing her a favor to let her rant. she's forever so bitter.

after all, she grew up in a big family. i mean, she has 5 other siblings but none she could find solitude. unlike my dad, who apparently has his whole family backed up and missiles ready for war. which sets me thinking: would i end up in situation like my mum in future, where i had no one to turn to, or even to confide in when times go bad?

every word or quotes from me is as good as a useful grenade for either parties. even if we swore to stay mutual, it would eventually lead to siding someone. coz' eventually, either parties accusations would require certain amount of evidence. and where does the evidences come from? us, of course. so how could we really stay mutual as what we claimed to be? i wish i could stay out of such sticky situation.

to even think that my mum had someone to rely on, which is my bros, i definitely thought of my dad. fancying me trying to think both sides, i'm given a long lecture by that woman saying that she thought i would stay by her. being a mother is tough, what difference does trying-to-be-partial-and-filial-to-both-sides daughter could be?

my heart went out to her. she needed someone but i'm afraid it just can't be me. i can stand one side to think and empathize her situation. but knowing that woman, she would get overboard if she has too much support.

for that, at least, it's what i see.