a wrong choice to continue study?

as everyone knows my family's financial condition, i could only scrape through supporting the finances of my degree. if it werent for my wrong choice in my diploma course and my other entry jobs, i wouldn't be paying the costly consequences.

sigh...

after like dragging for more than 1 month, with multiple warnings from my school, to the final email from the school that my assignments will not be graded if i did not pay up my fees, my brother FINALLY paid my fees.

i know, i should have been more understanding and appreciative. i didn't mean to react the way i wanted to.... but seriously, i really had it up to my boiling point to have my studies jeopardized.

i never wanted my bro to pay my studies. all i needed was his cooperation to get myself a loan, in fact, i already got all the documents ready and i could just proceed with it. in the end, and last minute, he said he'll help me with the fees and got me promised to pay him back when i'm ready. how can i not be grateful for that?

but the thing is: he recently, very recently, upgraded his puny Kia Picanto to a whooping Honda Accord. not only that, my mum has been unemployed and her income very heavily depended on my bro, who naturally had to give more than he should. there, i started to worry.... and apparently, my worse fears came true...

i don't have any control over his expenses; what he should buy, how he should plan since he's burden with such heavy responsibilities. just thinking of them, i sincerely felt bad. but I DIDN'T ASK HIM TO HELP ME PAY!

oh boy, i do sound ingrateful....

i'm not surprised that he felt obliged to help me. maybe he saw that he's kind of responsible for my difficulties... plus the fact that i'm his sister. after all, it's like there's only one person in my family who can go further his/her studies: whoever is eligible to attain their degree 1st. and my bro happened to be the lucky one.

sigh...

i'll be taking up a loan. and apparently my salary was just a tad bit lower than the required minimum to apply for an individual loan. or not, i need a joint applicant.

i won't be asking for my bro to help. if he would agree to my choice of loan in the 1st place, he wouldn't have gotten into such tight situation. so naturally, i'm looking for better options:

1. is to try tapping into Gio's potential and get a pay raise - it could be negotiating for a higher rank or probably try going to backend ops...

2. find a eligible person who has a minimum income of $1000 to be my joint applicant...

i would definitely prefer option 1, coz' it's like i don't need to drag anyone else into this studies thing. enough people i got involved - my dad and bro. now i'm thinking how to pay both of them back include the bank loan. think, even how much i earn, i'll probably be bogged down for the next 10 years or so by this loan thinggie.

looks like i have just SO MUCH things to take care....