Am sooooo sleepy!

It's a challenge trying to stay awake. I can't believe it's only past 11 in the morning! And I'm feeling lethargic all morning! I've done my lazy back stretches many times, yawning like nobody's business till I kept tearing and it's not getting better. Little motivation at work.... and I'm sitting on the fence about throwing in my resignation coz' I'm way too bored. Well, I do have a D&D to handle but the heart isn't at the right places lately.

Bintan, this weekend, I'm now hoping it would be slightly longer than just the weekend. But oh well, I need to use my precious leaves and I'm reluctant. And I do want to offset my leaves for earlier dismissal if the day comes for me to tender. Heh!

Anyway, sorting out my thoughts, exercising my brain a little through jotting journals would help keep me awake. Or snap me out of my slumber for a while....


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How am I coping after the hasty breakup? Well, I'm still in contact with him, just friends chatting. I think it's me trying to constantly remind myself that he's no longer in a relationship with me. The truth I've dug from him 2 Sundays ago was hurting yet expected, but now the hurt is no longer there, just somehow always suspicious if he's doing anything behind my back now. Even though we're no longer in a relationship, it's relatively obvious we're not letting each other go. He blurted he still misses me, wanted much to initiate conversations, but he's worried that I would get the wrong intentions. I guess it finally dawned upon him that he's not truly ready to be in another relationship. Or he's worried that the other woman would come back again....

For this, I don't exactly know what I'm holding on or waiting. I want to move on, yet, not ready? It always end up this way for me, isn't it? Not all the time, but lately, with the last few, it has been like this. I guess it's not easy to just walk away when I know real heart has been put in, and genuinely, I want it to be the last. But I think there'll be a few more to go... LOL! Perhaps like what Ker Ker said, as we ladies progresses with age, the men available gets way smaller, in rapids. They're either in a stable relationship, getting ready for marriage, or married. Leftovers are just looking for playthings. Shucks.

So yeah, Ker Ker felt that I'm taken for a ride..... yet again. Well, I beg to differ though. I'm still fully aware whether the guy is genuine or not. When a guy does not have his heart in the relationship, it can be detected through his behavior and actions, even if it's in the beginning stages. I felt the genuine attraction and the chemistry.Whatever has happened to me is just being unfortunate...

Then again, I don't think I'll ever change. Even if it's just the beginning of a new relationship, I would just plunge right in, give my fullest. To some they would feel it's stupid, coz' that only increased my chance of getting hurt. Let's put it this way: if I don't like to be treated half-fucked, then why even give half-fucked treatment to the person I genuinely like and think that there's a possibility to develop into something else better? The other party can feel it, if I'm not entirely into this relationship.And that, to me, is already started out on the wrong foot. At least even if I get hurt, I know I've done my best, and not thinking, "if I should've done that for him.....". So yeah, no regrets.

Having said all these, I don't know what's next for me. I do feel that what we had for that short period of time was precious even though shortlived, and would like to give it another shot. But I know better than to come across too aggressive. Oh well, now I'm hanging around lor...